Operation: CAPER
by Numbuh Phenon
Summary: Faint of heart beware, for mystery is thick in the air. When the crime of the century befalls Sector L's leader, it's up the world's favorite super private eye guy to solve the case.
1. Objective 1

It ain't easy doin' what I do.

Being a Kids Next Door operative ain't all about eating candy, fighting bad buys, and punching things. Some days they ask more of ya. Some days ya gotta eat a lot of candy. Some days ya gotta fight super bad guys. Some days ya gotta punch things really hard.

I mean, really, _really_ hard. This one time we were fighting Mr. Wink and Mr. Fibb and they had this chair made out of megaly hard triply fort-a-ma-fied steel. I had to hit it, like, six times before it went down. It was so cool, ya had to be there! They had these lasers that went all ' _pew pew_ ' but I was all like ' _HIYA_ ' and they went down faster than some kindergartner at nap time. I've done a lot of awesome things, but I gotta admit; that's like one of my top eight awesome moments.

Uh, it's probably like six or somethin'. Maybe five. It's up there, that's all I know.

Sadly, it ain't always like that. Not every mission gets a squeaky clean happy ending. Sure, you may totally kick butt and stuff, but sometimes the bad guys kick back just enough to leave you sore for a while. Even though you win, it turns out to be nothin' more than a hollow victory.

I've had my fair share, but one sticks out the most. I'll never forget that crazy night…

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 **Now loading:**

 **kids next door mission**

 **operation:**

 **c.a.p.e.r.**

 **Clueless**

 **Agent**

 **Prematurely**

 **Exposes**

 **Racketeer**

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It all started about two weeks ago. There was a weird case going around where a lot of kids were getting sick after drinking soda. After poking around and roughin' up some dorks who thought they were too smart to get caught, me and my bestest pal traced the soda stains all the way back to Mr. Fizz. The loser figured the only way to get kids sick of soda was to, uh, well, make 'em actually sick off soda…

…yeah, I thought it was stupid too.

But after giving Fizz and his friends the beat down, me and my pal caught the attention of Numbuh Ten, leader of Sector L herself. She was so amazed by our skills that she wanted to have an interview with us on her show. Can't say I blame her, I'm pretty amazing, and I figured showing that off to kids world-wide would be pretty cool.

At least I _thought_ it was cool 'til I found out she didn't wanna interview me! No, she just wanted to interview Hoagie! She went on and on about how impressed she was with his "detective" skills, and how he managed to figure out Fizz was behind the scheme. Yet when I started talking about how I helped and kicked major tail she said "viewers wouldn't be interested in that".

What kind of crud is that? Honestly, I work my butt off and this is the thanks I get? I got mauled by dogs tryin' to stop that sicko, but nooooo! Let's suck up to mister Detective Numbuh Two because he's so cool and terrific!

Bah!

So there I was, stuck backstage in Sector L's studio while Hoagie yucked it up with the video crew. They kept blathering on and on about how ratings were gonna go through the roof and how Hoagie would get his "fifteen minutes of fame" or whatever that meant.

Well ya know what? Who cares about being famous anyway? Not me!

Nope.

Not one bit.

Does not bother me at all.

Not even a little.

"Something bothering you, buddy?" I looked up to see Hoagie had wandered over, face 'bout to spilt apart cause of that cheesy smile of his. Well if he thinks that's gonna work on me then he's got another thing coming. That kissing up stuff doesn't work on me.

"Well, look who decided to grace me with their presence," I greeted. I saw him flinch at that and smirked to myself. Good, he should feel guilty; he didn't even bother to argue to try and get me any screen time!

Not that I cared, mind you!

"C'mon pal, don't be like that," he said. He was trying, I'll give him that. Could see it written all over his face. But no amount of pouting or moaning changes hard core facts, and the fact was that he was eating up all the credit and leaving me with scraps! "Numbuh Ten got you front row seat tickets; best seats in the house! She doesn't do that for anybody, you know."

I rolled my eyes. "Really? Well then I guess that makes everything fine and _dandy_ now, doesn't it?"

"Look, I know you're upset-"

"Me? Upset? Whatever gave you that idea?" I don't care if he was my best mate in the whole wide world, he would not be getting off the hook that easy. "I mean I only risked my butt and did just as much work as you did on that mission. Why would I be upset that I'm not gonna be on TV after all that?"

Which I didn't care about, honest.

"You heard it from Numbuh Ten herself. Kids hear about operatives like you beating up bad guys all the time on her news show," he tried to explain. He then framed his hands and spread 'em out, like he was trying to get me to see some bigger picture. "They wanna hear about what they don't see! They wanna hear all the juicy, gritty, secret-y details that comes with super sleuth work. And who better to illustrate all that better than yours truly?"

Illustrate? "I thought you were being interviewed, not making arts and crafts."

"Arts and crafts? What's that supposed to-oh, forget it," he mumbled, having the nerve to frown at me. "Look, fact of the matter is that the audience goes nuts for detective stories, so of course I gotta be the one that goes on live. I did all the detective work!"

"So? What's so special about lame-o detective work?" I argued, unknowingly setting that night's events into motion. "Oh, look at me! I gotta tip-toe around like some doofus and search for clues and write 'em down in my handy-dandy notebook! Puh- _lease_! Anybody could do that stuff."

"Oh? Then by all means, tell me the last caper you solved, Mister Sherlock Holmes."

Y'know, there are sometimes where I wish I could keep my mouth shut. Things just come out! But while I was one-hundred and twenty percent right, Hoagie had a point. I can't really say I had any detective-y experience before tonight.

Well, except for that one time where, "I found out which hamsters were getting into my soda stash!"

Of course, being the smart aleck he is, Hoagie had to have some comeback for _everything_.

"Wally, all of our hamsters have gotten into your soda stash at least once."

"S-So what?" Not one of my best moments. I hate it when he does that! I get this annoying stutter in my voice and I start saying stuff faster than my brain can think. "That was just a warm up case. Yeah, that's it. I could solve harder mysteries in my pajamas!"

Hoagie wasn't buying it, crossing his arms and looking down all smug. "Really?"

"Yeah, really!"

"Sure you can, buddy," he said, but I knew he didn't mean it. He started cozying on up to me, slinging his arm around my shoulder while he dusted his knuckles against his suspenders. There was this weird vibrating noise going on, but I realized it was just me growling. "Listen, we're all good at something. You're good at, uh, punching things and scaring off every adult jerkwad within a five mile radius. I'm good at witty one-liners and solving the un-solvable. Just how the cookies crumbles, my good ol' pal o'mine."

"There you are!"

Before I could tell Hoagie off, a new voice called out to both of us. It was then a saw her; the source of all my problems bundled up in some pretty red-headed package.

Numbuh Ten looked the same as ever, which says a lot. Girly as it is, I can admit that it ain't no walk in the park to keep up looks like that; heck, I can't be bothered to change my underwear some days. But no matter what she was wearin', Numbuh Ten always seemed to steal the show. She was all dolled up in that prissy blouse of hers, the fabric all straight and nice, catching every poor sap's eye while keeping up that professional thing she's got going on.

She had a face the camera fell head over heels for every time, with just the right amount blush on her cheeks and 'round her eyes. Her bangs were all curly, framing her mug just right, while the rest of her hair was done up in a ponytail. There was the tiny mole on her face, sure, but leave it to Sector L's leader to turn a blemish into some beauty mark.

Yeah, it was her alright, with that smile that could make any guy go goo-goo eyed. I could practically feel Hoagie drooling on my shoulder. Can't say I blame him, but I will anyway. Girls ain't nothin' but trouble.

All in all, with how Numbuh Ten entered the room with that girly flourish of hers, it ain't that hard to see why she's considered the KND's prettiest operative. 'Course that's all just opinion. Kuki's way prettier.

…U-Uh I mean…that is to say…well, crud.

Any of you breathe a word of this to anyone and I'll noogie you so hard-

"I've been looking everywhere for you," Numbuh 10 spoke up, bringing us back to the present moment. Mind must've wandered there for a second. Man, I gotta start paying more-oh wait, she's talking again. "We've only got an hour left before we go live, and I still need to go over some questions with you. And what on Earth are you wearing?"

I stepped to the side. Hoagie wanted to be on TV? Then he could put up with this. He snapped out of his daze then started running that mouth of his. "What're you talking about? My clothes are fine."

"Maybe for some public school photo op, but this is the big time, mister," Numbuh 10 fussed. "And that hat has got to go."

"Huh, hey wait a minute!" Gotta admit, it was funny seeing him whine about how much Numbuh 10 was sprucing him up. She took that fedora hat of his and laid it down in one of the seats, pushing Hoagie towards her waiting army of make-up artists. "I gotta wear the hat. All the cool PIs wear the hat!"

"Trust me, once we're done with you, you'll make Nancy Drew jealous. And please, for the love of Zero, no stupid jokes on the air."

"First the hat, now this? Why ya gotta put my material on the chopping block? Heh, did they not make the director's cut-"

"Just stick with the cue cards," she groaned, handing him off to her crew before straightening out her blouse. We watched as Hoagie was gobbled up in a cloud of cologne and powder while Numbuh Ten just shook her head. "Numbuh 11.0 is bad enough."

"Hey," I spoke up. "How come I don't get to be on the show? I helped on that case too! If it wasn't for me then-"

"Numbuh 4, I've already told you, I run a story about gung-ho operatives every other week. Kids need variety if they're gonna keep watching. We gotta spice things up! Hit 'em right outta left field with a story they'll never see coming!" She looped her arm around me, making all these hand motions like I was supposed to be following along. I was just getting sick of everyone butting into my personal space. "It's all about the element of surprise. You understand that, don't you? You're Sector V's Hand-to-Hand specialist, you of all people should know the benefit of getting the jump on someone. Just imagine that 'someone' being my lovely fans and the 'jump' being a story that's gonna put KNN on the map!"

"Uh, yeah, I guess," She had a point. Probably. What do I know about daytime television? "But it still ain't fair Hoagie gets all the credit!"

"I never said he would," she sighed. "Look, I'll make sure to mention your efforts and even have the camera pan to you in the audience. That's the best I can do."

"Whatever! I still say what I did was way cooler than a bunch of detective work. Anyone can do that!"

"Well, tell you what: when you finally crack a big case of your own, you'll be my main guest on the first episode of my new show. I thinking of calling it, The Perfect Ten. Catchy, isn't it? I amaze myself sometimes, truly I do."

After that, she stopped trying to reason with me. Normally, I'd feel like she wasn't serious and just pulling my leg, but Numbuh Ten had that kind of voice that made you that everything she said was sincere. She always kept her word, too, so I guess I'll take her for face value.

Plus it helped that she smelled nice. It must be some kind of perfume. Reminded me of lilac and gooseberries.

Mmm, gooseberries.

I could totally go for some gooseberry pie, now that I think of it...

Oh! Uh, _anyway_ , it was clear no matter how hard I tried, she wasn't going to let me on the show.

That's when it hit me like a busload of fruitcake. The only way I was gonna get the recognition I deserved was if I sucked it up and did some private eye work myself. It's scary how brilliant my ideas are sometimes. I mean, how hard could it be? You pull out a magnifying glass, ask a few questions, rough up some losers 'til they spill the beans, and bam! One juicy detective story served up with a side of Numbuh Four awesome-sauce.

But now, I had a different problem. I doubt my tale of how I found out which hamsters were nabbing my soda would win me Numbuh Ten's viewer base. I needed something big, something huge! I needed a scandal straight out of the books; a mystery so misty-fying that I would have 'em all eating outta the palm of my hand.

The show started in an hour, and I had no idea where to start. How was I gonna find a case on such short notice?

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." I shook my head, looking over to Numbuh Ten. She was flipping through the papers on her clipboard, looking more annoyed than Numbuh One after a failed Delightful Cake snatching mission. 'Fore I could bother to ask what was going on, she pouted. "Don't tell me I misplaced my notes again…"

Oh? "Notes? What notes? You mean for school?"

She shook her head. "No, for my show. I write down important bits for the program and keep them on me for reference. Even the best can flub on a line or two."

Wheels in my brain started turning as I scratched my chin. "Ya don't say? Jus' so we're clear, how important are these notes? Like, are they so superbly important that the show can't go on without them?"

"Ha, wouldn't go that far, but it's a major pet peeve of mine to go in blind." She rolled her eyes, throwing the clipboard somewhere behind the curtain. "Whatever, television waits for no one; even someone as marvelous as me. I'll just whip up some flash cards real quick, but what I wouldn't give if those notes just magically re-appeared."

"Really now?" That was it, my big chance. It's like when you're assigned ultra-hard math homework but the teacher accidentally gives you the questions with all the answers in the back of the book. If life decides to give you a break, ya might as well go for it. "Don't know about any magic, but I bet I can-"

"Hey, Numbuh 10, ma'am?"

Okay, this interrupting me stuff is getting old! I snarled up at the nerd who cut into my big, epic acceptance speech of my first case, but he ignored me and went straight for his boss.

Rude!

"Numbuh 60 has just arrived from the Arctic Base."

Oh. Scratch that. This just got way more interesting.

" _Patton_!" Numbuh Ten snapped. It was no secret that she and Patton, uh, didn't _exactly_ get along too well. She pushed me and her teammate out of the way as she stomped angrily towards the main lobby. "I can't believe that…that… _doo-doo head_ would show up in my treehouse without calling first. The nerve! When I see his stupid mug I swear I'm gonna…"

Me and the kid shared a look, shrugged, and decided it was none of our business. Let them hash it out, I had more important things to do. I loosened my muscles, shaking out all the kinks, and turned to Hoagie's chair, eyeing the fedora he was forced to leave behind.

I figure if you're gonna play the part, you might as well look it too.

"Alright," I said as a slipped on the hat, "Time for Super Duper Sleuth Numbuh Four to take on his fist ever major case: finding Numbuh Ten's stage notes!"

 **-/-/-/-/-/-**

 **Transmission will resume after a word form our Sponsors!**

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 **The rest will be up within the next day or so. It's long, should split it up, and I need to work out rust.**

 **And now, to _vanish~ (temporarily)_**


	2. Objective 2

**This Transmission was brought to you by "** _ **I Can't Believe It's Not Booger**_ **" Booger Substitute.**

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"I feel like I could solve anything now." The fedora fit like a glove…that goes on your head. I turned, checking myself out in one of the dress rehearsal mirrors. And man, did I look _soo_ cool! I tipped my hat to my handsome reflection, then started down the path of the private eye guy.

"I can feel the detective juices flowing already. Heh, maybe after this, I'll pick up where Numbuh Five left off and solve the mystery of the fourth flavor. But first things first," I stopped, crossing my arms as my brows knitted together. "Where to start looking for those notes."

I was excited for my first big case and all, but I was totally outta my zone here. I'm the kind of guy that goes in, shoots first and asks questions…well, I don't really ask questions at all. I always leave that junk up to Numbuh One or Five. They're a lot better at that sort of thing. Personally, I don't see what the big deal is, but hey, if works for them, more power to 'em.

This was a different ball game though. If I went in like regular Numbuh Four, then I'll be running in circles all night. If I was gonna track down those notes, I had go about this like Super Sleuth Numbuh Four.

Eh, problem was that Super Sleuth Numbuh Four kind of didn't exist before tonight, so I had no flippin' idea what he would do.

Okay, so maybe this detective business is a little trickier than I thought.

If I was going to get anywhere, I had to stoop to Numbuh Two's level and think of what he would do. First, he'd probably make some stupid joke or cheesy monologue; I'd be dead before anyone caught me doing either. After that, he'd start sneaking around, asking questions about the victim. So in this case, the victim is Numbuh Ten. She's missing those notes of hers, so she obviously don't know what happened to them. I figured the next best thing would be to go to someone close to Numbuh Ten; someone who follows her around like a lost puppy. But who would that be?

"I'm going to need a batch of VO5's _Scent of Operative_ cologne, toot sweet!" The voice of a sissy pierced the night like a dodgeball through a window. I looked up, and there was one of Numbuh Ten's make-up crew. He was strutting around like he owned the place, ordering kids around like he was in charge or something. "The show's going to start soon, and we can't have Numbuh Two going out there smelling like chili dogs!"

Ring-a-dingy-ding. There was my way in. Numbuh Ten has gotta have make-up maintenance, like, 24/7 to stay that pretty. A guy like that has to be under her nose all the time to make sure it's powdered. If anyone would have a clue of where those notes are, it'd be him.

I dipped my head, then made my way over to my first key witness. On the way, I noticed a rolling rack of ties, and decided to pluck one off its hanger. I hated these things, but Hoagie wore 'em all the time whenever he was on a case. If I was gonna do this, then I gotta do it right. I dug deep down to remember how my dad fixed his ties, then took the blue one I just snatched and fashioned it around my neck. A little sloppy, but that just adds to my unique charm.

Didn't take long at all to reach the kid. He was standing there, rearranging his make-up kit, not giving me the time of day. I'd let it slide for now, cause I needed time to plan this out. If I was gonna question him like they do in the movies, then I'm gonna need something to take down his statement thingy-s. But what do I look like, some geek? I didn't have any pen or paper on me. So, after thinking quickly on my feet like any detective would do, I decided to improvise. I scanned the area, seeing that someone left a tape recorder sitting on a desk.

Perfect! With the tape recorder, I could take all the statements I needed and not have to worry about writing them down. Forget what I said before, this was getting easier by the second. Figuring no one would mind if I borrowed it in the chasing of justice –or whatever Hoagie calls it- I plucked the recorder off the table, fiddled with the buttons, and smiled when the little red light turned on.

Great. Step one: completed. Now, for step two.

"Ahem," I coughed, trying to get the guy's attention. He just kept messing with his make-up and I kept getting more ticked off every second he didn't answer me. "A- _hem_!" Okay, now that had to get his-

-and he's still ignoring me!

"HEY BUB, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

"Geez Louise!" He jumped a good foot into the air before finally facing me, clutching a hand to his chest as he took deep breaths. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack? What the heck do you-aww, look at what you did! You made me spill the finger nail polish!"

"Numbuh Four, Super Duper Sleuth," I greeted, extending a hand. Not my usual 'hello', but hey, when in France… "Jus' need a moment of your time to answer some questions, mate."

"Can't you see I'm busy? I gotta clean this mess up," he grumbled, bent over and wiping the polish off the floor. I felt a little sorry for him, I know from personal experience that stuff is a _pain_ to get out of hard oak. "Go play pretend somewhere else."

See, now I was starting to not feel so sorry. "This ain't no kiddy pretend tea party, mate. This here is an ultra-important investigation. I'm gonna need you to work with me so we can both go about our business." I pulled back my arm, opting to extend the one with the tape recorder forward. "Now, where were you at-"

"I'm busy, thanks to you! Or did you forget that?"

My eye started twitching. Be calm, Wally. Be calm. "If ya would just give me a second of your-"

"Beat it!"

Twitch. Be calm. "Listen, it's important that you-"

"Get lost, loser!"

Be – _twitch_ \- calm. "I just-"

"Are you deaf? I said-"

Before either of us knew what had happened, the poor guy suddenly found himself slammed up against the wall, my hands holding him up by his shirt collar. Several more bottles of sissy make-up when clattering to the floor, but that was the least of his worries. My face felt all hot, my nostrils were flaring, and my teeth were grinding together so hard, I was almost afraid my jaw would snap.

Hey, I _tried_ to be calm.

"Now listen here, buddy," I hissed. The guy looked ready to wet himself, and I took a small bit of pride in that. "I tried doing this the nice way, but now we're gonna do it _my_ way, understand?"

"Y-Yes! I mean, no. I-I…that is to say…" he stammered, words just not coming out right. "I-I'll answer any question you ask, b-but I'm just the powder guy! I don't know anything!"

"We'll see about that. Where were you earlier tonight?"

"I-I was helping Numbuh Ten with her hair, like I always do before a show!"

"Interesting. Now tell me, notice to see if she was carrying anything important?"

His eyes started shifting and I could feel his sweat slipping through my fingers. "N-No. Nothing important at all, I swear!"

"Ya know who I am, right? So you should know the last thing you ever wanna do is play dumb with me," I growled. "Now 'fess up!"

"I don't know anything!"

"Last chance!"

"P-Please let me go!"

One of my hands reared back, balling into a fist as his eyes nearly popped out of his head. "I'm gonna give you 'til the count of three to start talking before I take ya on a one way trip to knuckle-sandwich island!"

"H-Hey now, there's no need to-"

"One."

"Whoa whoa whoa _whoa_! Let's be rational about-"

"Two!"

"Now wait a minute! D-Do you mean _on_ three or _after_ three, because there's a big-"

"THREE-"

"I ADMIT IT!" he cried, the tips of my knuckles gracing the skin of his nose. "I ADMIT IT! I GAVE AWAY HER PERFUME! IT WAS A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS! I'M SORRY! PLEASEDONTHURTME!"

"Ha! I knew you…wha?" Back up. "You did what now?"

"Numbuh 10's special perfume, I gave it away," he cried, sniffling as snot started dripping onto my free hand. Disgusted, I yanked it away and he fell to the floor, where he started curling into a ball. "I-I loaned it. I couldn't help it man, t-the way she was looking at me, and all those sweet things she said…I can't say no to that face!"

"What're you talking about?"

"The perfume, that's what Numbuh 10 sent you to me for, right?" he whimpered, finally gaining the nerve to look up at me. "I-It's a special brand her grandma gives her. She doesn't let anyone else use it. B-But I let someone else borrow it, but she swore she'd give right back!"

This wasn't making a lick of sense. "What the heck does Numbuh 10's perfume hafta do with her missing notes?"

"T-Tell her it'll never happen again! I'll go right now and ask-notes?" he paused, finally pausing with the waterworks. "What…what notes?"

"The stage notes. You know, the ones that are missing? The ones I've been asking you about?"

"That's what you were talking about?" he asked. Upon noticing that edge creeping back in, I frowned, the guy immediately going back to cowering. "I-I don't know where her notes are. She goes over them while I fix her hair, but last time I saw her, she had 'em. Honest!"

Oh, I knew he was being honest, which is why I dragged my hand down the length of my face. Fantastic. First five minutes into my first case and I end up juggling around a dead-end. So much for that idea. Now I would have to start all over. I bent over to pick up my tape recorder; thing musta dropped to the floor when I snapped. Now on floor level, I could get a better look of the kid I just scared the crud out of. Looking at that sad pathetic face of his made me feel little bad. Maybe I was too hard on him.

Just a little.

"Hey, listen," I started while putting the recorder in my hoodie pouch. I was never good with these things. "Sorry about, uh, all _that_. No hard feelings?"

"…sure, whatever," he said before he started crawling to the corner of the room. "Now if you'll excuse, I'll just be over there bawling my eyes out."

"Um, yeah. Have fun with that," I awkwardly waved.

Whelp, can't do anymore damage at this Popsicle stand! That whole mess said and done with, I started heading back to where I came from.

Alright, so that did not go completely as planned, but it wasn't a total loss. I now knew that Numbuh Ten at least still had her notes while she was prettying herself up. That doesn't narrow it down much, but hey, better than nothing, I always say.

The more I kept walking, the more I noticed that I had this hunger building up inside me. And this hunger was a thirst. A big thirst. Literally. I hadn't had anything to drink all night, and all that interrogating made my throat guy.

A detective can't operate without his smooth voice to talk him out of sticky hang-ups. It just isn't done. Deciding I'd earned a break to wet my whistle, I pulled a left and started heading towards the lobby.

Global Command always gave Sector L a budget, and boy, did they use it. The lobby was decked out in fancy rugs, chandelier thing-a-ma-doodles and all sorts of expensive stuff. The walls were plastered with pictures, most of them being Numbuh Ten and her team. In some they were winning awards, and others looked like silly pictures taken from a blooper reel. And don't get me started on the food. They got all the cool finger foods Hoagie likes, real homemade pasta from the Italian sector, and candies so sweet and juicy, Numbuh Five would've felt like she died and gone to the big gumball machine in the sky. They had everything.

But I wasn't here for all that. I was here to grab a quick pick-me up before getting back to work. I reached the cooler, opening it and pushing past the juice cartons and root beers. The longer I shuffled through the ice, the angrier I got.

"Just my luck," he said, kicking the cooler. "They're all out of Grapey Gush."

"Oh, you mean this?"

A can of my favorite brand was shoved into my face. I followed the arm attached to it and found myself staring down another face I wouldn't be forgettin' anytime soon.

She was decked out in this purple business dress that had just the right amounts of seriousness and friendliness. She smelled like cherry bubblegum and smiled a smile that reminded me of Numbuh Ten, but it had its own humble-y-ness about it. Her sharp glasses clearly said she meant business, but her eyes were inviting enough to cancel out any intimidation she might let off. Her face was round and looked soft, and she had a mop of fizzy blonde hair atop her head that was a couple shades lighter than my own. She wasn't slacking in the looks department either, and I began wondering if all of Hoagie's excuses to get Nigel to pop into Sector L weren't as professional as he made 'em out to be.

Whatever the case, it didn't take me long to figure out I was being offered a soda by Numbuh Seven, second-in-command of Sector L.

Nodding, I took the can and cracked it open, gulping down a generous swig before exchanging names. "Thanks. Numbuh 7, right?"

"The one and only, I'm afraid. But please, call me Collen," she smiled. "I love Grapey Gush too. I was planning on saving the leftovers for later, but why should I hog both of them?"

"Heh, it's a lot nicer than what I woulda done, that much I can tell ya," I answered. Good stuff this Grape gush. Slides down your throat with the right amount of tang. "They call me Numbuh 4; Super Sleuth. So you're second-in-command around 'ere, right?"

"Right you are. I'm also the field reporter for the team. I'm the first one on the scene for any big story," she said, puffing up a bit as she went on. "You may have seen some of my work. I was first on the scene when the hamsters of Sector B revolted last summer."

I do not remember that. "Not ringing a bell."

"Oh. Well, I'm more well-known for my work during the Grandfather incident. I went in and got prime footage of Senior Citi-Zombies that proved vital for our victory."

Oh yeah, I remember when she did…uh, actually no. "Don't know about that either."

"…the infamous sleep over of '03?"

"Nu uh."

"The puppy pandemic of San Diego?"

"That was thing that happened?"

"What about when I interviewed Sector V after their run-in with the Great White Asparagus? You were there!"

"That's right! You were the…the uh," I stumbled. I noticed giving me that look I usually get from Abby when my ideas don't exactly work out like they're supposed to. "Uh, sorry?"

To my surprise, she started giggling. "Ah, it's fine. To be honest, I'm glad I'm not that recognizable. Between you and me, I get horrible stage fright."

I breathed a lot easier, glad I dodged a bullet. "Kinda in the wrong sector for that, donctha think?"

"Maybe, but that's why I'm glad I'm under Numbuh 10's command. She takes up all the spotlight so I don't have to worry about it. Why, she's the reason I'm who I am today." I could see that happening, Numbuh Ten was really good at that. Numbuh Seven then gasped, as if remembering she left her popcorn in the freezer too long. "Shoot! That reminds me that I gotta go over some things about the show with her. I'll see you around!"

And just like that, she was gone. Nice enough girl, I guessed. If I were in her shoes, I'd be totally jealous with how Numbuh Ten keeps hogging all the lime-light, but I guess that's why I'm not in Sector L. That's just not my glass of soda.

Speaking of soda, I just realized I needed to finish this baby off. The sooner I got this down, the sooner I could get back to –

"-well if you have such a problem with it, then you can just leave!"

"And give you the satisfaction of driving me off? As if!"

Oh boy.

Wasn't long before I could see what the fuss was about. Near the center of the lobby with a whole gaggle of people around 'em were Numbuh 10 and Numbuh 60. They were right in each other's faces, yapping back and forth constantly. With how loud they were yelling, they'd give ol' Fanny a run for her money.

And trust me, I know how loud Fanny can yell. Geez, my ear rings just thinking about it. Last time I ever bring watermelons to the Moonbase.

I really didn't have time to get involved in this. Those notes weren't gonna find themselves. Ah, but before I could split, I caught sight of Numbuh Seven cowering in the middle of them. Poor girl must be trying to calm them down before they make a scene. A little late for that.

I sighed, putting my can on the table and heading into the fire. She did give me that soda, after all.

Man, I'm becoming such a softie.

"Now why on Earth would I want to drive you away, Patton?" Numbuh 10 shot back, her lips quirking into a smirk. "You should stick around. I was going to wait until next week to run that little piece about how you sleep with Rainbow Monkey bedsheets, but I think I'll do a sneak peek. Just for you."

"Rainbow Monkey bedsheets? Ha! That the best you got?" Patton chuckled, crossing his arms as he stood his ground. He looked about as tough as he always did; heck, he's the only kid I'd say was probably as tough as me, if not even tougher. He knew how to stay calm under all sorts of pressure and had tons of control. Well, until it came to Numbuh Ten, that is. "And here I used to get all riled up about your stupid stories about me, but you're clearly losing it, Georgette."

"That so? I must be going soft, but don't you worry. I think it's time I reminded everyone about the 'cheese puff scandal' anyway."

"Oh, I'm shaking in my boots," he said, pretending to shiver for affect. "And for the record, you made that up!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did _not_!"

"Did _TOO_!"

"DID NOT TIMES INFINITY!"

"DID- _ooooo,_ no fair!"

"What's all this racket about?" I broke through the crowd of kids, finally making to the cause of this noise. "The way you two are going at it, they can hear ya all the way back in Sector C."

Numbuh Ten rose a shrewd brow before regaining that composure she prides herself on. "Oh, my apologies, Numbuh 4. I was just having a disagreement with my guest of honor! No need to fret your little blond head off."

"Disagreement?" Patton scoffed. "That what we're calling it now?"

The red-head just smirked, hands going to her hips. "You have a better word for it, ice for brains?"

"Now take it easy, ma'am," Numbuh Seven said from the other side. She apparently was using my entry to finally nip this silly fuss in the bud. "There's no need to be all vicious."

"Vicious? Moi? Don't be silly, Numbuh 7. I'd hardly call this being vicious. Besides, the show is starting soon, so we were just about to part ways, weren't we, Patton?" Numbuh Ten chuckled, walking circles around Patton like he was some piece of meat.

Mmmm, meat.

Great, now I _am_ getting hungry.

The drill commander, for his part, rolled his eyes, looking at anything but Numbuh 10. "Sure we were, Georgy. How could I stay mad at you after ya flash me a smile with them pearly whites of yours? Pft."

"Numbuh 60!" Numbuh Seven gasped. "That's rude! You know how sensitive Numbuh 10 is about her teeth ever since she found out she's going to need braces."

If was as time had stopped, like an episode of that nerdy Doctor Time-Space show. Patton's eyes widened, Numbuh Ten froze in place, and Numbuh Seven covered her mouth; apparently realizing she said something she ought not to have said. I was a bit shocked myself. Numbuh Ten needed braces? Don't know how well that was gonna go over for the 'prettiest operative'. Some kids around me must have been thinking the same thing, only they choose to be a bit more vocal about it.

One guy behind me tried to cover up his laughing. "Numbuh 10 needs braces?"

The red-head's icy glare shut him up right quick. She then turned her look to Numbuh Seven, who was trying to make herself look as small as possible and hide behind me. Didn't know her that well, but I did my best to get in between her and her boss.

And here I thought Numbuh Two was the sucker for pretty faces. Geez…

"C-Collen, how did you know I was going to need braces?"

"I-I'm so sorry, ma'am," she whimpered. "Numbuh 60 told me, and it just slipped out!"

Patton gaped at that, and found himself facing the blunt of Numbuh Ten's wrath. That collected stance of his earlier went flying out the window as he started back-peddling towards the counter. "W-Wait a second! I didn't say anything about-"

"You JERK!" She was practically screaming now, and I could see some wetness pricking at the corners of her eyes. Man oh man, was Patton in the doghouse now. "I told you that in confidence! I-I actually thought I could trust you!"

"Now, Georgette, just calm down and-"

"Don't you dare, you stupid excuse for a drill instructor," she snapped. "One more word out of you, and I'm going to do a whole special on how your mom calls you 'Patty-kins' before she tucks you into bed every night!"

Patton started blushing and a few laughs broke out from the crowd. After shaking off his fear, he decided to start fighting back. "That was a low blow! I know you're mad, but you better shut that trap of yours before you say something you're gonna regret!"

"Oh, believe me, _Patty-kins_ , you don't know the meaning of regret. But you will!"

"Is that a threat?"

"Just you wait! After I'm through with you, I'm gonna make you wish were never born!"

"ENOUGH!" he snapped, the whole treehouse shaking. I pulled at my collar, things starting to feel a lot more awkward. Patton only ever used that voice when punishing some spoiled cadet who was way out of line; not many actually heard him shout like that.

Numbuh Ten clearly hadn't, the way she flinched back at his tone.

"In case it slipped your mind, I am your superior officer, and I will not take this kind of insubordination! Now I suggest you turn yourself around and get back to work. On the double!"

"Y-You…don't you yell at _me_ like that, Patton-"

"That's Numbuh 60 to you. One more word, and you're going to be getting real friendly with the floor!"

"You can't be serious-"

"Drop and give me fifty."

"WHA-"

"NOW."

Everyone held their breath, not making a peep as they waited to see what would happen. Numbuh Ten stood there, thrown for a complete loop. After a few seconds, her fists clenched as her eyes narrowed into slits. For a second there, I thought she was gonna slap him or something. But she just gave a curt nod of her head and began complying with Patton's order.

"Yes sir, _Numbuh 60 sir,_ " she spat. Without another word she went down to the floor, starting her set of fifty without breaking so much as a sweat.

Patton's frown was probably sown onto his face at this point. He gave one look to the group that had gathered, and they all scattered like mice. He walked right passed me, uttering not a word as he made his way out of the lobby. Not that I was in a chatty mood myself. I was still trying to swallow what just happened.

You see some ugly stuff doing this kind of work. That was one of 'em.

I looked around, everyone in the lobby pretty much back to their own stations and completely ignoring the fact that the leader of sector L was a few feet away on her fifteenth push-up. I slowly walked up to her, figuring I might as well check in on her. She was my client, after all.

"Hey," I said, bending down and doing push-ups in time with her. Following that bobbing head of hers would just make me dizzy. "You alright?"

"Just peachy," she said tersely, still staring straight ahead. "The gall of that brute. Making me do push-ups in front of my own sector."

I had no idea how it must've felt. Numbuh One always hated it when someone made him look stupid in front of us, so I can only imagine how it must feel for his cousin. "What is it between you two, anyway?"

"What's it matter? If I see him again before the night is over, it'll be far too soon," she muttered. After a second, it became clear she wasn't giving me the time of day. Not wanting to waste any more time, I hopped back on my feet, leaving the girl to her thoughts. "Just you wait, Patton. When I'm done with you, you're going to be begging for early decommissioning…"

I left to her own devices, not wanting to get any more involved than I was. Hard as it is to believe, I didn't know a lot of things. But what I did know is when someone gets that angry, well, you better get the heck outta dodge, because that's a tussle no one's gonna win.

But all this drama was getting in the way of what really mattered: my case. Almost half an hour before the show goes live, and I've got nothing to show for it. Only thing I've figured out is Numbuh Ten's perfume is out on loan, but she ain't looking for that! Well, maybe? Perhaps I could go back to that guy and ask him who borrowed it. I bet if I showed up with her perfume she would-

-no, what am I thinking? I set out to find those notes, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Super Sleuth Numbuh Four does not let anything get the best of him, especially some cruddy pieces of paper.

I made my way back to the table, wanting to finish my drink and get this show back on the road. But to my utter disbelief, my soda wasn't there; it was gone! I picked through the food and napkins, not caring about the mess I made. I was sick and tired of every bozo and their mum thinking they can make off with my sodas!

Hmm, maybe sector L's hamsters were in cahoots with ours. I wouldn't put it past 'em, the sneaky lil…

Thoughts of furry revenge were canned when I saw something weird off to the side. Further down the hall, holding something in their hand, was some shadowy looking figure. Now, it coulda been anything, but I'd bet you my best Yipper card it was my soda!

They picked the wrong night to mess with me.

"Hey you," I called out. They didn't hear me, and kept on walking. "Stop right –ooff! Hey, watch were yer going!"

"Ooops, my bad, pal!"

I stopped, recognizing that voice. I took a step back and low and behold, I had just ran into Hoagie. He finally found his chance to get away from the make-up crew from the looks of it.

"Oh, hey, Numbuh Two," I greeted. That's when I got a good look at him. "What the heck happened to you?"

"Numbuh Ten's fashion police, that's what," he groaned. I couldn't blame him. That pilot cap of his was nowhere to be found, and his hair was combed over all nice-like and straight. Reminded me of the time we had to follow Lizzie for a day and she took us out for manicures and junk. Ugh, I still have nightmares.

He still had his goggles, but something tells me he had to fight tooth and nail to keep 'em. His choice of wardrobe wasn't good enough for them either, for instead of his normal shirt and suspenders, he had been jammed into some dress suit that looked uncomfortable in all the wrong places. I'd made a crack about the bow-tie, and but after looking down at my own neck, I figured I wasn't doing that much better.

"Geez, mate. They really did a number on ya, didn't they? I almost didn't recognize ya."

"Tell me about it! My head itches, but I can't scratch or I'm gonna be plopped back down in that chair again. And this suit chafes like something mad," he whined, doing his best to give himself wiggle room. "Speaking of wardrobe malfunctions, what's with the tie? And why are you wearing my cool detective hat?"

"O-Oh, this ol' thing?" I snatched the fedora off my head, hiding it behind my back. "I was just, er uh, keeping it warm for ya!"

"Please don't tell me you're going around pretending to be me. Because if it's anything like that time you dressed up as Numbuh 1-"

"I'm not pretending anything!" I growled, plopping the hat back on. "I'm on a super important case. The most important case in the history of all detective cases ever!"

"Did you lose your wallet again?"

"No! For your information, I'm looking for notes as a personal favor to Numbuh 10 herself." I fessed up, feeling a bit smug. It wasn't every day you got to take on a case for someone like her. I bet he was totally jealous. "And when I find 'em, then we'll see who the real detective is!"

"Uh huh. Sure you will," he said, barely paying attention to me at all. He was more focused on trying to think of how he could get out of that suit. "Got any leads, oh so suave one?"

Despite myself, I pullws the tip of the fedora over my eyes, foot shuffling back and forth as I drew nothing but blanks. "Uh, well, not exactly. I got some answers from this one guy, but that didn't really go anywhere. I thought I'd make some progress asking someone close to her, but that was just a dead end."

"Well, you're in the right ball park, but you're swinging when you should be pitching."

"The crud is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you should start with someone close, but not friendly-close. No, if you want to find those notes, ya gotta go after someone who has a grudge against your client."

Maybe he was on to something. "A grudge?"

"Yeah," he nodded. Guess I got him interested enough to tear him away from his clothing problems. "Everyone's got enemies. What you need to do is go after someone on Numbuh 10's bad side. Who would have something to gain if her notes suddenly pulled a Houdini?"

Hate to say this, but he was right. I was barking up the wrong tree from the start. Why would one of Numbuh Ten's make-up crew want her notes to go missing? If she messes up on TV, then her whole sector looks bad. It was starting to come together now. All I had to do now was think of who would want to steal Numbuh Ten's notes. It obviously wasn't an adult, the treehouse alarms would've went off long before they could get close. I considered teenager infiltration, but did away with that thought soon as it popped in my noggin. Weird as they are, I can't see Teen Ninjas going through all this trouble to louse up a broadcast.

No, this had to be some sort of inside job. Someone in this treehouse had it out for Numbuh Ten. It wasn't her sector, that's for certain. Hoagie would never do something that despicable, and it wasn't me; I was trying to find the notes for Pete's sake. Yet I was running out of options. The only other person here in the treehouse not a part of sector L is Patton…

Wait.

"That's it!" I said with a snap of my fingers. It all made sense now. After that row they had back there, you can't stand there and tell me they liked each other. That's just crazy talk. Plus, Numbuh Ten looked surprised when she found out Patton showed up. If I had to take a shot in the dark, then I'd say Patton musta swiped Numbuh Ten's notes when she wasn't looking and wanted use 'em for a prank gone way too far.

It's not solid, but it's the only lead I've got so far. Mind made up, I patted Hoagie goodbye, knocking his bow-tie out of place by accident. A swarm of make-up artists came out of nowhere and descended upon him, but that wasn't my problem.

I had a mystery to solve.

Wasn't long 'til I reached the guest rooms, and I eventually stumbled upon one that looked like it would house our good ol' Arctic Commander. He apparently didn't intend to stick around too long, as they only thing next to his bed was his back-pack and pair of spare boots. I turned his bag inside out. No time to wait on some stupid warrant when crime was a-foot.

The contents spilled out over the floor, and I shifted through it all; Yipper cards, some documents about new recruits, tooth brush, tooth paste, every lousy thing in the world except Numbuh Ten's notes. This search going nowhere! I started shaking the bag around, figuring I missed something, when I saw a photo flutter down to the floor. Curious, I picked it up, surprised to see it was a picture of Patton and Numbuh Ten.

Looked like they were outside the Arctic base, Numbuh Ten poking her tongue at the camera while giving Patton the bunny-ear treatment. The guy himself wasn't smiling. He was frowning with his arms crossed trying his best to ignore the frozen chocolate milk mustache above his lip. Even though it wasn't his best picture, he didn't look all tense. Being a hands on guy like, you tend to pick up on body language.

This just raised more questions. Why would Patton be keeping a picture of him and Numbuh Ten if they hated each other's guts? Because there was no way that wasn't Numbuh Ten. She had her face, hair, everything! Heck, I could practically smell the lilac and gooseberries from the photo.

Wait, lilac and gooseberries?

I glanced up, sniffing around for the source of the smell. That scent was too strong to be coming from a picture. Only thing I smelled like that recently was Numbuh Ten, and she uses a special type of perfume.

Was she around here somewhere?

Well, rummaging through Patton's junk was getting me nowhere, so I figured I might as well go follow the scent. It was way too strong to have just been lingering around. I followed the trial, leaving Patton's room to go a bit further down the hall. The smell was taking me around the corner, but before I could completely turn, I snapped to the wall as I watched the scene play out before me.

Near the end of the corridor was a shadowy looking person. I couldn't get a good look at 'em, but I could tell they were wearing some trench coat with the collar uncurled high enough to block their face. They were leaning over something, snapping pictures with a camera they had in their hands. They were so busy that they didn't even see me.

Normally, I go in full butt kick mode and demand to know what was going on, but after remembering what happened earlier, I decided to just wait this one out. I was not in the mood to lose another possible lead.

After what felt like a forever and a half, the mysterious person pocketed the pictures they took, and turned to exit the hallway. Their back was still to me, so identifying that guy was just un-possible.

Waiting time was over. Now it was time to go into detective mode. I made a light sprint down the hall, careful not to make too much noise in case the creep was still around.

But nothing in the universe could've prepared me for what I saw next

"PATTON!"

 **-/-/-/-/-/-**

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	3. Objective 3

**This just in! We** _ **still**_ **Can't Believe It's Not Booger!**

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* * *

I've seen a lotta horrible things in my time. I've seen our treehouse smash-a-fied while one of my best friends was turned into an adult while I was to forced to watch. I've seen kids eat birthday cake after a whole load of baby chicks, er… _finished their business_ on said cake. Heck, I've kissed a Senior Citi-zombie and I'm still having sessions with Numbuh Ph.D about that one!

But all that? It's nothing compared to the horror I was staring dead in the face at this exact moment.

"Patton," I whispered. I went to my knees, slowly cradling the boy's head in my hands. The poor guy was knocked out cold, but after looking down, I'm almost glad he was. "What did they _do_ to you?"

It was almost too much to bare. Numbuh Sixty: Arctic Commander of the Kids Next Door, a guy I respect almost as much as Nigel, was reduced to this sorry state. His beanie was gone, replaced by some fairy crown with glitter all over it. His face was covered in make-up, from eye-liner to glossy lip-stick. His clothes were gone, replaced with a frilly pink ballerina tutu. They had girl-a-fied him from his head down to the glass slippers on his feet.

That shoulda been the worst of it, but it didn't stop there. As if they were puttin' the cherry on his humiliation pie, Patton had been totally drenched in perfume. Okay, maybe it wasn't _that_ bad, but that was a strong scent. I couldn't stop myself, taking a big ol' whiff of the stuff. It was then for the third time tonight that smell met my sniffer.

Lilac and gooseberries.

The plot…uh...

...the plot…

Crud.

Hold on a second-

Hey, Numbuh Five? What's that thing the plot does when stuff gets complicated?

 _Thickens, Wally. The plot thickens._

…Thickens! Yeah, that's right. Thank you!

 _No problem, baby._

Back to the story. I looked away in disgust, thousands of questions running like a hamster wheel in my mind. But out of all the questions I had, there was only one that stood out. I don't know what kind of sicko would do this to a kid against their will, but whenever I found out who would, I was gonna make 'em wish they'd never step foot in this treehouse.

But first, I had to help my friend.

"Patton, hey Patton!" I called out, lightly smacking his cheek. It wasn't working. Guy was totally out of it. "C'mon, man, wake up!"

Seeing that my attempts weren't working, I stood up and wandered a bit down the hall. Time to lean on other methods.

 _SPLASH!_

"AAHH!" That got him up. Patton snapped up, spitting out stray water that got into his mouth. I dropped my bucket and waited for him to recover, grimacing at how the make-up was running down his face. "Wha-What the heck happened? Why am I wet? Wait a sec…"

Three, two, one.

"WHY AM I IN A TUTU?"

"Rise 'n' shine, mate," I greeted, helping him to his feet. Guy was so stunned out of his mind, he needed all the leverage he could get. "Looks like tonight ain't your night."

"I-I don't understand, why am I dressed up like this?" He looked down at himself, horror etched into his eyes. He pinched the pink material, wincing at the tightness of it. "This isn't even my right size!"

"Looks like someone was hankerin' for a game of dress up," I said, popping a lollipop I found into my mouth. "And it looks like you got to be the dolly."

Patton blinked, his features slowly turning to a frown the longer he stared down at me. "Did you have something to do with this?"

"As if! But don't you worry, with Super Sleuth Numbuh 4 on the case, that no good creep is gonna get what's comin' to 'em." I pulled the recorder from my pouch, leveling it at his face. "Now, what's the last thing ya remember?"

"What is this, CSI?"

"Ya wanna find out who put you in a tutu or not?"

"Fine!" he yelled, throwing his arm up. "I…actually don't remember. There was that trip over here, the fight with Georgette, and then nothing. It's fuzzy, but the last thing I remember was drinking a soda, then I wake up to this nightmare."

"Soda?" I put the recorder away, my foot tapping in concentration. My eyes wandered to the left, stopping once I caught sight of something. "Grapey Gush, am I right?"

"Uh, yeah actually," Patton said. "Good stuff, that gush. Slides down your throat with the right amount of tang. How'd you figure that out?"

"Just a gut feeling." I stepped to the side, bending over to pick up the thing that caught my eye; a discarded can of grapey gush soda. What a waste. It was empty, but there still something inside. I poured it over my finger, hoping to get a drop. I plucked my finger in for a taste, then stumbled before shaking my head. "Blegh! Somebody spiked this!"

"Spiked?"

"Yeah. They musta spiked this with enough knock-out juice to put you outta commission for a good long while. No wonder they were able to dress you up."

"But who would do…do _this_ to me? And why?"

I tossed the can up and down, following it as I tried to piece together those answers myself. "Saw some weirdo leaning over you snapping pictures, and now I know why. This here is some grade-A blackmail material."

Patton began kicking the slippers off, scourging around for his clothes. "Well whoever it is, when I'm find them they're going to need a lot more than that to stop me from doing what I'm gonna do to them! I'll court material 'em!"

"Say, Patton," I piped up, remembering why I was tracking him down in the first place, "you wouldn't happen to have anything to do with Numbuh Ten's missing notes, would ya?"

"What?" He scooped up his clothes in a heap, then looked at me as if I was the one who got dressed up in a tutu. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Now out of my way, I gotta change before someone else sees me. And if you breathe a word of this to anyone, you'll be doing laps around the cadet camp for the rest of your days as an operative!"

I didn't say a word as I stepped to the side, letting Patton hurry back to his room. I was really not up to facing his wrath today. Besides, I still had a case going on. One that was getting more complicated by the minute.

It ain't hard to figure out what was going on. While I can't safely guess Patton did take the notes, he probably knew who did. Or at least an idea. But the real culprit knew he was on to them, so they knocked him out, and are probably using those photos they took as leverage.

Man, Numbuh Ten must be useless without those notes with all the trouble I'm running into trying to find them.

But even still, I finally had a prime suspect. Well, I know someone's going around in a coat to hide themselves at least. So now that I knew for a fact that this was an inside job, I just had to find out where to go to next.

I thought about going back to Hoagie, but soon as I got back in the lobby, I saw him booking it across the room, kids with clippers and spray cans hot on his heels.

He had his own issues to sort out.

'Sides, how is asking him for help gonna prove I'm a detective? I end up asking him for advice, and he'll use that to take credit for this job too. No. From here on out, I'm going solo.

With the trial gone cold, I figured it was time to start asking questions again. I looked around, noticing this one guy tinkering with a camera. Numbuh 9-Film, if I remembered right. He was a techie, so he had to be smart. Smart guy like him might know something. I didn't have anything to lose at this point.

"Hey, 9-Film," I hollered, him pausing to greet me. "Was wonderin' if ya got a sec for a few questions?"

"Sure, was about to go on break anyway," he said as he wiped some grime off his face. I liked this guy. I could always respect a kid who worked with his hands. "What's up? Heh, nice hat by the way."

I nodded before pulling out the recorder. "I'm looking for some important papers. VERY important papers, if ya know what I mean."

"Uh, not really. Could you be more specific?"

"Numbuh 10's stage notes are missing; she sent me to track 'em down. Seen anything weird going on lately?"

"She lost them again? I keep telling her to get a planner," he said, shaking his head. "Well, can't say I can help you there. The only thing I knew that was missing before you showed up was one of our trench coat get-ups."

Great. Another dead-wait. "Trench coat?"

"Yeah. We were doing inventory, and we were one coat short. Probably got misplaced after that mafia bit we did last season."

If this was the same trench coat that I've been seeing earlier, then there ain't no way this is some co-inky-dink. "There anybody around 'ere that could tell me more?"

"Uh, oh! Yeah, Numbuh 11.0 was put in charge of costumes. He should still be in his dressing room right about now. S'probably going over his 'material' for tonight's show."

Not wanting to dawdle, I let 9-Film get back to work as I headed off to Numbuh 11.0's little hideaway. He was a character alright; he's been Numbuh Ten's co-host ever since they started this gig. Apparently he 'works well' off of her or something. It's only reason why I could think a dork like him gets so much screen time.

It'd make sense if he had something to do with all this. Guy was probably tired of playing second fiddle to Numbuh Ten, and all it would take is one good screw up on her part before he can steal the show.

Just when you think you know someone, they pull this kinda crud. Lame.

While I was in the middle of thinking about what I would say, who do I happen to see but our good ol' buddy in the trench coat. They were coming out of Numbuh 11.0's room, quietly closing the door behind them.

Looks like this case is about to be closed!

"Hey you!" I shouted. They froze for a second, then bolted down the hallway. As if I was about to let that loser get away. "Stop right there, ya geek!"

I was gaining on them, smirking because there was no way they were giving me the slip. However, I got too caught up in the moment, for they pulled out a rack of costumes, and I couldn't stop myself in time before running smack dab into them.

Just my luck.

"Whoa!" I was blinded by some red swimming trunks, and I went tumbling down, a mountain of clothes toppling all over me. I shook 'em off, fumbling for my fedora while looking around the area. The no good creep done went and played dirty, and now they were gone.

Well, whatever. I came here to do something else anyway! Kicking a scarf off my leg, I ambled over to Numbuh 11.0's dress room. I jiggled the doorknob, surprised to find it unlocked. He's gonna regret that mistake. He may be gone, but surely I could find something in his room that will-

"Hey! What are you doing back here?"

Well, shoot, he's still here. There he was, the pudgy little nerd seated in front of his dresser. I looked down, seeing him holding some photos in his hands. He followed my eyes, then quickly slipped them into his drawer and gave me some fake smile while his eyes tried to look anywhere but me. I snorted as I slowly closed the door behind me. This was gonna be interesting.

"Why, Numbuh 4! Good to see you," he greeted, trying to sneakily slide himself in front of his dresser. "What can I do for you? Eh, shouldn't you be getting in your seat? The show's about to start soon."

"Yeah, guess I should," I said as I approached. "But I could say the same for you, mister co-host."

"W-Well, I need to freshen up! Yeah. Need to straighten my tie and go over my lines."

"Lines eh?" I asked, raising a brow. "These lines, they wouldn't happen to belong to your sector leader, now would they?"

Sweat was rolling down his neck now, yet he was still trying to play it off. "Uh, this a joke or something? N-Numbuh Two put you up to this, right?"

"Cut the games, geek. We both know why I'm here." I used my heel to catch the loop of his chair, dragging the dork to me so I could get right into his fat little face. "Thought you were clever, eh? Gotta admit, never woulda suspected you of all people, but all makes sense now."

"I-I…" he gulped, his hands fumbling anxiously. "I really don't know what you mean, man. Can we just forget all this and go get ready for the show?"

"Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't ya? Can't wait this show to start can ya?" I growled. "Everyone else may be in for a shock, but you got some spoilers now, don't ya? You know _exactly_ what's gonna go down."

There was a pause, and then he tried to make a break for it. I swung my arm out, clothes-linin' the jerk before he could even reach the door. I slowly raised my foot, placing it on his chest while I crossed my arms. There wasn't any pressure, but he knew what would happen if tried that again.

"Going somewhere?"

"I-I'm late for rehearsal!"

"Enough of this crud. Where are those notes? I'm only asking once."

"Notes?" he asked. He looked really confused, and for a second, I almost bought it. "What notes?"

"Numbuh 10's notes. The ones she lost."

"She lost them? I…you gotta believe me, I really didn't know that!"

"Don't you lie to me!" Times like this make me wish I brought my SPLANKER. People's lips get real loose with that thing in their face. "You know exactly where those notes are. You and that partner of yours. Well the jig is up, so talk!"

"Really, I had no idea this was all about notes!"

"Oh yeah? Well why did you try and make a run for it? You've been sweating like Father at the beach with no sun-tan lotion since I walked into this room."

"Because…b-because…Because this entire night has been completely bonkers!" He yelled. "F-First you guys show up, I screw up my best joke, and that whole thing with Numbuh 60…"

Wait. "What do _you_ know about what happened to Numbuh 60?"

"Ah! I-I'm talking about the fight of course! That was brutal, the whole treehouse heard it."

That had been a bit of nasty business. But upon being reminded of the fight between Ten and Sixty, another question I had popped up. "What's the deal between those two? I mean, I knew they argued every now and then, but I never thought it got _that_ bad."

"It usually doesn't," he started talking. "They always get into petty arguments like that."

"Why?"

"I don't know the full story, but rumor is, before they joined the KND, Numbuh 10 went to show-n-tell during preschool and came dressed in her mom's reporter gown. Numbuh 60 was in her class, he made fun of her, and it's been back and forth between them ever since."

Hmm, that explains a little. "They'd get that nasty with each other about what happened in pre-school?"

"Not these days, actually. I don't think they ever really meant it. Numbuh 10 would run some ridiculous story, Numbuh 60 would come and fuss, they'd go back to the Arctic Base, settle it with a snowball fight and hot coca, and the whole thing starts over the next week," he said as he twirled his fingers in a circle. "But this time…things got way out of hand."

I considered that, but decided to deal with those thoughts later. "So what? They have history, big deal. Doesn't change the fact I know you stole her notes, and I ain't leaving til you hand them over."

He was about to respond, but paused as he frowned, apparently thinking of something. "So let me get this straight, you're here because you think I have Numbuh 10's stage notes?"

"Well don't that beat all; you _can_ listen."

"And, if I promise to give them to you, you'll leave?"

"What am I, a parrot? Yes! Now hand 'em over already!"

"…fine. Just get off of me first."

I let the loser get up and watched as he went over to look through his stuff. I started chuckling to myself. Finally, after all night chasing stupid shadows, I was merely inches away from calling this a wrap. The clocked ticked on, and my smile was slowly dimming the longer Numbuh 11.0 was taking to make those notes appear. I swore he was stalling for time until he groaned.

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me," he said. "I think I left them outside. Can you come with me so we can look together?"

I rolled my eyes, following him to the door. "Geez, do you need help finding your jammies too?"

He didn't say anything, opening the door and gesturing to it with his hand. "After you."

"Thanks," I said as I found myself back in the hall. "Now where do we start-"

 _SLAM_

"HEY!" I jumped and turned to find the door shut behind me. My hands snapped to the doorknob, my face bunching up with rage as it wouldn't budge. Idiot locked the door behind him. I'd been had! "LISTEN HEAR YOU POOR EXCUSE OF A WEATHER MAN! YOU OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW OR ELSE I'M GONNA-"

"Numbuh 4?"

"WHAT? Oh, it's you Numbuh 7." The blond had suddenly appeared, looking at me like I had gone mad. Which wasn't far from the truth. I was mad. VERY mad. But not in the way she was thinkin'. "Hey, you wouldn't happen to have an axe laying' around here, would ya?"

"…uh?"

Okay, in hindsight, I could see how that wasn't helping.

"Oh forget it," I huffed as I let go of the knob, giving the oak a kick for good measure. "Coward can't hide in there forever."

"Mind explain why you're threatening to tear down Numbuh 11.0's door? He _is_ my teammate after all."

"Well, hate to break to ya, but your teammate is a no good, note stealin', double crosser." No use in breaking it to her gently. "He made off with Numbuh 10's notes so he can steal the spotlight when she messes up on air. He even went as far as to try and blackmail Numbuh 60 when he got too close!"

"That's terrible!" she gasped. "That's actually why I was trying to find you. I ran into Numbuh 60 and he told me you found him knocked out, but he wouldn't say anymore than that. What happned?"

"Uh, trust me. It's better if ya don't know the details."

"O-Oh my. How could Numbuh 11.0…I can't believe I let all this happen under my watch," she said, eyes starting to tear up. "I told Numbuh 10 I could handle things, and look what's happened! I really _am_ not cut out to work in this sector."

"Don't be too hard on ya'self," I tried to comfort. Figures she'd go and blame herself for what's been going on. But I wasn't about to let some innocent girl go on a guilt trip while I was on the job. "Ain't no way you coulda seen this coming. He's good; even hired someone to do all the dirty work."

"You mean a partner? Do you know who it is?"

"No. I saw the creep coming out of his room, but I lost 'em. Was probably handing off those pictures they took…of…" I trailed off. Oh crud! "That's what those pictures were! Dang it, he's still got the blackmail photos!"

"Let's try to calm down, Numbuh 4," she said, putting a hand on my shoulder. "He's cornered and has no way out. Does anyone else know about all this?"

"No, not yet."

"Then let's keep it that way for a while. Numbuh 10's worked hard on this show, and I'm not about to let that jerk ruin it for her." I really wanted this to be over and done with, but she had a point. The last guy who interrupted one of Numbuh 10's shows didn't go home a happy camper.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I noticed Numbuh Seven pushing me down the hall. "Wha?"

"Go down the hall to my office, it's the first door on the right. I have some skeleton keys in case of emergencies," she explained, "you wait there while I barricade his door so he can't get out."

Ah, good idea. I nodded, then finished the rest of the journey myself. Wasn't long until I found myself outside Numbuh Seven's door. I went in and decided to take a look around while I waited.

It wasn't as fancy as I was expecting, but I guess nothing is ever really what you think it will be. She had her own dresser in the corner, her own mini-fridge, and a desk over in the back. I found myself being drawn to the dresser, some stuff on the mirror catching my eye.

There were all sorts of pictures of Numbuh Seven in different places. One showed her covered in pillow feathers outside of Sector Q's treehouse. Another was sloppily taken of her running from old looking zombies, and I only noticed the next one because I saw myself in it. It was me and the rest of the gang, coming down the plank of Sticky-beard's _Sweet Revenge_. Numbuh Seven was standing next to Nigel while motioning towards the gihugic white asparagus hanging off the side of the ship.

Huh. Guess she was there for that after all.

Then I noticed something in floor. Another picture that was little more crumpled than the others. I picked it up and flipped it over, studying the two I saw in the picture. It was Numbuh Seven, though a little younger and looking ready to puke out of nervousness. But she was still smiling, mostly because Numbuh Ten was at her side, smiling with her while they held up a plague labeled 'Cadet Next Door Class of-'

"Darn. Year's smudged out," I spoke to myself. I flipped it over again, wondering how it ended up on the floor.

"Like my collection?"

I pocketed the photo like second-nature as I turned to the door. There she was, Numbuh Seven strutting in like she owned the place. Well, I guess that's okay because this is her room and all. Come to think of it, shouldn't I probably be the one a little self-conscious going through her stuff?

…Nah.

"Yeah," I answered, nodding at her mirror. "Guess you love takin' snapshots."

"Guilty as charged," she laughed. I looked at her as she strolled around the room. There was something a bit different about how she walked around. She looked a lot less restrained and more in her element.

I shrugged. Was her room, she's probably most comfortable in here. "So how'd it go with Numbuh 11.0?"

"Don't worry. He's not getting out anytime soon."

"Good. Then let's get those keys before he starts trying to claw his way out."

"Oh don't you worry, he's not going anywhere. Why don't you take a breather for a minute?" she said while she was pushing me down into one of her chairs. I tried to get up, but she just waved me off with one of those pretty smiles of hers. "Please, I insist. You've been working hard, detective. You deserve a break."

I couldn't help but smirk. If she was acknowledging me as a detective, then I had this whole thing in the bag. "Well…I guess it wouldn't hurt to kick my feet up for a bit."

"Make yourself comfortable," she said, though something was off with her voice. It sounded lower, but not like she was trying to whisper. She must be getting sick or something. Her hands went to her face, slowly taking off her glasses before laying them on her dresser. "Care for a drink? I think I still have that Grapey gush from earlier."

I shrugged, propping my feet up and staring at the ceiling. I took my hat and twirled it on my finger, giving me some time to reflect on the events of the night.

They say it's always the one you don't expect, but I never would've suspected Numbuh 11.0 to be behind it all. And how far he took it. First he steals notes, then knocks out Patton to keep his mouth shut. He's lucky Patton doesn't remember much, else he'd been out on the pavement by now.

Something wasn't exactly sitting right with me about this whole business, but I chalked it up to first time jitters. Once tonight was over, I was gonna be taken on cases all over the neighborhood. Heck, with how good I was, I was probably going to have to start thinking about how I was going to juggle being a super awesome operative and a detective at the same time.

Then again, if Hoagie can do it, why can't I? Wonder if he'd be opposed to putting another desk in the janitor's closest back at school.

So lost in my thoughts, I twirled my hat too hard and sent it across the room. Grumbling, I brought my feet down and went over to pick it up. Real smooth, Wally. Right in front of a girl too.

As I went to pick it up, there was a sparkle that caught my attention. I looked up to see that on Numbuh Seven's desk, behind her pencil cup, was a small little bottle with a squirt nozzle on the end.

"Hey," I called out as he put my hat back on. "What'cha got over there?"

"Hmm? Oh that," she said, quickly coming over to my side. She brushed past me and snatched the bottle, putting it in her drawer before giving me a weird smile. "Just some perfume my mom gave me. I tried it, but it's too strong for my liking."

"Uh huh," I said, narrowing my eyes. Something was starting to smell a little fishy around here, and it wasn't those fish tacos I had for lunch today.

Mmmm, fish tac-wha?

Gah, focus!

"What's with that look?" she said as she sauntered over me, bringing her lips into some pout. "I bet this soda will make you feel better."

I looked at the can, but suddenly I wasn't in the mood for any soda. I gently pushed it away, rejecting the gush. "Maybe next time, toots."

"Oh…" she said, looking disappointed. She shook her head, putting the can on the desk before walking across the room. "That's fine, we can just sit for a while."

I watched as she started undoing her hairpin, letting those locks of hers fall loose around her shoulders.

Must be getting hot, it is a little stuffy in here.

"Actually, think I should be getting back to work," I said, about to make for the door. "That loser won't take himself to the Arctic Prison."

"Oh come now, detective," she giggled, taking my arm and redirecting me towards the couch. "He's practically in jail now. I can assure you he's not going anywhere."

"Yeah?" I jerked my arm away, really getting ticked off with this. "Well I'd like to make sure myself, all the same."

"I appreciate an operative committed to his line of work," she said sliding right back into my view. She started stepping closer, with me backing up. Great. Back at the couch again. "But there's really no rush. Whatever it was you were looking for is waiting in his room. Unless he's figured out booger teleportation, it's not going to vanish. I just worry about you, Numbuh 4. You must have been working hard all night to track that lummox down."

"Can't argue with that, but I can't sit around until the job is done. 'Sides, I'm not even sure if he kept 'em so close to him," I started. I stood up, giving her a once over as a thought occurred to me. "You wouldn't have a clue as to where he might stash notes, now would you, Numbuh 7?"

"Please, call me Collen. No need to be formal, _detective_ …" The blond cooed at me, obviously trying to get somethin' outta her eye, the way her eyelashes were fluttering. "Besides, I don't know nothing about any paperwork, that's not my 'jurisdiction'... but you don't need to go snooping around for something like that... Why not stick around with me and we can play 'Jacks' while they're shooting, mmm?"

She reached out her arms to try and snare me into her girly coils, but I took a step back and tipped my hat to her. "Sorry girly, but I ain't into those kiddy games. I got bigger fish ta' fry." I turned my back to her and started walking out the door, but she mumbled somethin' just loud enough to catch my ear.

"Oooo, I like a boy that can play rough."

I shivered, feeling icky all over.

Girls. Nothin' but trouble I tells ya.

That whole awkward scene over with, it was time to hurry and close this case up. Forget Numbuh Seven's keys, I'd kick the door down if I have to. Should've just done this in the first place. Being a detective is cool and all, but really, me hitting things really hard seemed to be an easy way to solve all my problems right now.

But as I headed towards 11.0's dressing room, I couldn't help but feel like I was being left out of a loop. Like someone was telling this joke I just wasn't getting. Patton being blackmailed, Numbuh 11.0 acting weird, Collen going ga-ga out of nowhere. Everything I thought I knew didn't seem so right anymore.

Could it be I'm missing something? Maybe instead of these notes, there's a much bigger case just right under my nose? Something that could make waves in the KND as we know it?

…ha! What am I thinkin'? That's what they'd want me to think! Overthink all the details and forget what's really important. Come on, Wally, you're smarter than that. All you gotta do is just get those notes off of Numbuh 11.0 and the rest is pie.

However, that pie was gonna hafta wait, for when I got back to Numbuh 11.0's room, I found that the door was left open, chairs and junk holding it shut being knocked all over. I looked inside to see it empty, and cursed to myself. That geek was stronger and craftier than I gave him credit for.

No more games, this ends now.

I darted down the hall, looking all over the place for Numbuh 11.0 He couldn't have gotten too far. I was right, for when I got back into the lobby, there he was on the other side. He turned around, saw me, and then screamed as he made a run for it. I wasn't about to let him slip away this time. Right when I thought I had him, he pushed some kid into me and we went down faster than you could say 'ouch'. 'Fore I could fully get to my feet, he jumped into the nearby elevator and started for the top floor.

Crafty lil bugger.

There was no way I was gonna catch him using the elevators, so I had to think fast. That's when I saw one of those weighted sand-bag thingys and got an idea. I zipped by, snatching a pair of scissors out of some stylist's hands and held on to the rope as I cut the cord. Didn't take long for me to snap it loose, and with nothing to hold it down, I shot straight up into the air.

I started soaring past walled in treehouse, being lifted through leaves and branches as I kept going up. Finally, the rope reached its end and I let go, flying towards the balcony. As I came down, I saw Numbuh 11.0 walking out of the elevator, thinking he had pulled one over me.

Well, wasn't he in for a surprise?

"Look out below, loser!"

"Wha the-AAAHHH!"

He softened my landing, and we both went rolling into an abandoned studio stage sector L didn't use anymore. After nearly puking with how dizzy we were getting, I ended up on top, and had the jerk where I wanted him.

"It's over, ya crook!" I hefted him up, his feet dangling over the floor. The old spotlights were still working, and they shone down on us, shadowing my face and revealing Numbuh 11.0's guilty mug for all to see. "Ya can't outrun me!"

"W-What more do you people want from me!" he started blubbering. "I-I just wanna go home!"

"Home is the last place yer gonna go if you don't start talking!" I snapped. "It's the end of the line! You're gonna tell me everything, from the beginning!"

"I-I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"B-Because she'll hurt her!"

"Hurt WHO?"

"SKITTLES!" he cried, the dam breaking as the tears poured down his face and hiccupping like a babe fresh outta milk. "S-hic-She'll hurt my Sk-Skit-hic-tles!"

"Wha-Skittles? Who the crud is _SKITTLES?_ "

"My ham-hic-hamster!" he finally explained. "Skittles is my hamster, I-I picked her out myself! S-She works really hard to give us power, and…and she does this cute little flip whenever I'm sad, and she's the only one that laughs at my jokes. I-I don't know if hamsters can laugh, actually, but she always snuggles my face whenever I tell her my new material! I-I can't let her hurt her!"

I lowered him to the floor, my hands going slack as I looked off to the side. None of this crud made sense anymore! First notes, then perfume, then Patton, now a flippin' hamster? I looked back at the guy, grimacing when I saw he was still crying up a storm. There was no way he was faking that.

All the facts and evidence I'd collected didn't mean squat anymore. I'm not good at math, but I know something wasn't adding up. Groaning, I let him go and started digging in my pockets until I found an old hanky I kept.

I've had enough of this detective stuff. It was time to get some answers and be done with it.

"Listen very carefully," I said as I passed him the hanky. "You're going to tell me everything you know, and I mean everything. If ya try and make a break for it again, then there ain't nothin' more I can do to help, understand?"

"I-I understand," he sniffed, finally calming down. "B-But you want let Skittles get hurt, right?"

"For the love of-YES! I promise the hamster won't get hurt, now spill!"

He nodded, wiping the tears from his face. "It all started when she came into my room. She told me what she was gonna do and I thought she was nuts. I was gonna tell Numbuh 10, but she said if I didn't help her, she'd feed Skittles to her cat!"

"Help with what?"

"With Patton," he answered. "She was gonna knock him out, put him in a tutu, and take embarrassing photos of him. Then she was gonna force me to plant the pictures in Numbuh 10's office."

"That's a load of crud. If you're gonna go through the trouble of blackmailing him, then why give the evidence to someone else?"

"To make it look like _Numbuh 10_ was trying to blackmail him!"

I growled, beginning to pace across the stage we found ourselves on. All this trouble to steal some notes, get the drop on Patton to cover their trial, then hand the pics over to the girl they stole from in the first place? These people were downright loony. The way he was spinning it, whomever ever this was sounded like they wanted to get Numbuh 10 in trouble or something.

But why?

"Why'd you run?" I asked facing him again. "What was the point of that?"

"I couldn't take it anymore!" he yelled. "First you show up to beat me up, then she comes back telling me there's a change of plans and takes the pictures! Well, I've had enough! I had to do something. I had to try and find Skittles and warn Numbuh 10 before it was too late!"

"Warn Numbuh 10 about what? Who is this _she_ you're yammering on about?"

"You mean you haven't figured it out? It's…" he trailed off, squinting his eyes as he looked up to something behind me. Without warning he pushed me out of the way. "LOOK OUT!"

"HOLY-"

 _CRASH_

"AAHH!"

The poor bloke yelped as spotlight gave him a good one to the head as it came down. The kid went down flat, the light flickerin' out behind his head. He just laid there, out cold like a nerd. That's when two things became clear to me.

One: my last lead to the notes was out. There was no way he could be up 'fore the show started.

Two: most importantly...they really need to check those light fixings, this kinda thing ain't safe.

I looked up from where the light came down, figuring I should watch my step in this death trap. But then, that's when I saw them. Not just any 'them', but the trench coat jerk that's been givin' me the run-around all night.

Back in the lobby when my soda went missing, while they snuck into 11.0's dressing room to give 'im those pictures, and when they just tried to do me in with the spotlight.

We locked gazes, and they froze. Only then did the whole thing make sense now.

It obvious what they done.

It was clear WHO they were.

"You're the one who stole my soda!" It was clear to me now! I KNEW my grapey gush didn't just disappear. They musta got so nerved wracked, that they thought I would figure it out, which I DID. So they tried to turn my lights out and make me forget, but it hit Numbuh 11.0 instead.

I yelped as I side-stepped, nearly dodging the gumball pellets raining down at me. I rolled and took cover behind a pile of old cameras, pulling my hat over my head as they tried to shoot me. Looking down, I saw an empty reel case, and figured it'd have to do.

Grabbing it, I waited until they needed to reload, and then sprung out and flung the case like a Frisbee. I grinned when it hit 'em with a clang, and they yelped in pain. They looked down one last time before running away across the platform.

Well see, it wasn't about to end like that. I ran over, picking up the GUMZOOKA they dropped and headed towards the end of the stage. Legs tensing, I leapt for the nearest curtain and made my way up. Those notes could wait for a bit.

This just got personal.

I hiked my leg over the rafter and ran across the railing. Wasn't long before I caught up to them, and they were pulling all sorts of tricks and knocking all kinds of crud in my way to slow me down. That wasn't gonna work a second time, as I hopped, rolled, and slid past everything they threw at me.

They stopped to push over some large set piece. It came tumbling down, and I thought fast and grabbed a nearby curtain and held on to it as I pulled up and started running across the wall. It was like I was some ninja, it was awesome! I ran across the wall like in the movies and shot at them with the blaster. They didn't have a clue what was going on, and took a few hits because of it.

I leapt down, chasing them outside into the rain. A storm had rolled in, but nothing was gonna stop me now. Our little jog had taken us to the highest point of sector L's treehouse and I could hear 'em cursing as they peered over the railing.

Check and mate, mate.

"Look who just ran outta luck," I chuckled, stepping forward with my blaster ready. They turned, face still hidden, but I knew they were sending me death glares. Let 'em state all they wanted. "The game's over."

"Ha," they laughed, making their voice all deep and scratchy so I couldn't pinpoint their identity. "What do you know? It took you all night to get here, and you're no closer to solving this than when you started."

"That's where you're wrong!" Their mind tricks wouldn't do 'em any good. "I've got this case figured out like the back of my hand."

"Puh-lease," they scoffed. "All I have to do is get rid of you, then I can finally deal with Numbuh 10."

"Numbuh 10 this, Numbuh 10 that," I mocked in a whiny voice, because it's exactly what they sounded like. "Geez, it's like you're obsessed with her."

"SHUT UP!" they snapped, their act slipping. Whoever it was, it was definitely a girl. "You have no idea what it's like! What I have to put up every waking moment of my life! Well, after tonight, she'll finally get hers and I'll get what I deserve!"

"What you deserve," I said with a roll of my eyes. "The way you talk, someone might think you're jealous of her."

"I'm not JEALOUS!"

"It's written all over that, face of yours. Uh, well, I can't see it, but I know it's there." I lowered my blaster slightly, something not clicking. "What I don't understand is what some stranger would be jealous of. It's not like you…work with…"

I almost have it, I know it! She's jealous, but why?

Why would she be jealous of Numbuh Ten?

Who could possibly have the most to get by going through all this trouble to trash her rep?

It just didn't...

Wait.

 _What you need to do is go after someone on Numbuh 10's bad side…_

 _I loaned it. I couldn't help it man, the way she was looking at me, and all those sweet things she said…_

 _I love Grapey Gush too. I was going to save the leftovers for later…_

 _Good stuff, that gush. Slides down your throat with the right amount of tang. How'd you figure that out?_

 _To make it look like Numbuh 10 was blackmailing him!_

 _Tried of playing second fiddle to Numbuh 10..._

 _She was smiling, mostly because Numbuh 10 was standing next to her…_

 _She takes up all the spotlight so I don't have to worry about it. Why, she's the reason I'm who I am today._

My eyes widened. I can't believe this. It was right in front of me the entire time.

"You think you can solve this? You don't even know who you're after."

I glared, face hard as I whipped up my blaster. "I know exactly who I'm after… _Collen_."

The wind blew something fierce, me barely grabbing onto my hat in time. My accomplice wasn't so lucky, having lost her grip on the trench coat and it blowing away into the night.

Numbuh Seven shook her head, leveling me up from a distance before smirking.

"My my, my. Looks like nothing gets past you, _de-tec-tive_."

 **-/-/-/-/-/-**

 **Our feature Transmission will return after these messages!**


	4. Objective 4

**Have you picked up some I Can't Believe It's Not Booger? Because you should!**

 _ **I Can't Believe It's Not Booger**_ **: we literally cannot go home until we meet our quota!**

 **Link has been Reestablished. Now Resuming Transmission.**

* * *

This would probably be the part where I open with something witty. You know, some line that just kinda sums everything up.

But you wanna know something? I don't have something witty to say. I ain't Nigel or Hoagie, who can always manage to say some one-liner in the thick of it. I ain't Kuki, who just rolls with everything even if the world was ending. I ain't Abby, who I'm startin' to think doesn't sweat at all with how she handles everything so cool-like.

At the end of the day, I'm just Wally. I don't go outta my way to make one-liners and I can't just shake anything off at a moment's notice. It's not me.

So as I'm standing out here on this balcony, staring Numbuh Seven while the rain soaks us both, there is only one thing I can say for certain that comes straight from the heart:

Wally is really getting tired of all this running around!

Numbuh Seven was just standing there, smiling like she had everything figured out. I still almost can't wrap my mind around it; she's been behind it all? The girl's been playin' everyone for fools before we even started playin' at all.

Well, Numbuh Four ain't no one's stupid toy.

There was a tiny crack of thunder, and she tried to use the noise to run for the door opposite the railing. I was quicker, firing a warning shot. She flinched as the gumball grazed her shoelaces, then just started giggling again.

"You just don't know when to quit, do you?"

"I don't know the meaning of the word 'quit'," I said with a smirk. However, it disappeared when I started thinking. "Well, I don't know a lot of fancy words, but uh, you know what I mean!"

"Believe me, I do," Collen panted, leaning against the railing to hold herself up. She was cornered and she knew it. "I'm honestly impressed, detective. Here I thought that dork was the brains out of you two. He's okay, but you? You're good."

"Flattery ain't gonna get ya anywhere, lady," I said. Her girly tricks would not work on me. I'm too smart for that crud. "And no one talks about my friends like that and gets away with it."

"Stubborn, smart, and loyal," she smiled, something getting stuck in her eye again. "You are quite the catch, detective. Too bad you're playing for the wrong team."

"Yeah? Well I've seen how you treat your team. Making Numbuh 10 get into a fight with Numbuh 60, knocking him out and putting him in a dress, and forcing Numbuh 11.0 to place those pictures. Yeah, I got you all figured out, girly."

"Well well well, someone did their homework…for once."

"Even someone like me can see what's goin' on here," I said. "Numbuh 10 and 60 argue a lot, yeah, but that's just their thing. 'Cept nobody outside of you guys know it. That slip about her braces weren't no slip at all! You wanted 'em to get into some nasty fight."

She started twirling a lock of her hair between her fingers, trying to act sickeningly innocent. "Now why would I wanna do a thing like that?"

"So everyone could see 'em explode on each other! You were the one who knocked out Patton, but after the way they went at it, everyone and their granny would be pointing fingers at Numbuh 10." I inched a bit closer, my finger tracing the trigger. "And with you puttin' those pictures in her office, you've got her set-up as the mastermind behind the sickest prank in KND history."

"Can you blame me? It's so easy to push their buttons. They both they think they're so smart, but let a few words slip out and they're tearing out each other's throats," she started laughing. It was the sort of laugh some stupid adult villain would make. The creep was enjoying all of this. "But look at you, detective. You got it all figured out, you should pat yourself on the back."

I scoffed, keeping my blaster level as I inched closer. "There's still one thing I don't get."

"Why I'm doing this? Why I've gone through so much trouble to set up the perfect crime?" she intoned, the smugness seeping out of her voice making my tummy turn. "It's simple really. I'm going to frame-"

"What's this got to do with Numbuh 10's notes?"

She did a double take, slowly blinking. "Numbuh 10's what now?"

"Don't play dumb with _me_. Ya went through all this trouble to steal 'em, might as well come clean while ya still can."

"Uh," she started. "I, um, don't know what notes have to do with anything, but as I was saying, I had Numbuh 60 knocked out and dressed in a tutu and made it so all the evidence pointed towards Numbuh 10. I'd wait until halfway through the show, 'stumble' upon Patton knocked out in that state, and that private-eye wannabe friend of yours wouldn't be able to resist solving his biggest case yet. It's the perfect plan and she'll finally get what was coming to her!"

I rolled my eyes. "Likely story."

"…pardon?"

"Maybe some other two-bit gumshoe would buy that story, but I'm smarter than that," I said, grinning at her the look on her face. She wasn't expecting me to be two steps ahead! "You _obviously_ stole her notes, but then got nervous that someone might find out. So ya pulled this really complicated plan to distract everyone with Patton's embarrassment. With all that going on, no one would even notice when you snuck off with those notes Scott free."

Collen just stood there, totally floored by my awesome sleuthing skills. "I…we _are_ talking about the same thing, right?"

"Enough of this already," I said, tried of all this talking. "It's over. Patton's up and at 'em, so your stupid plan is history."

"You think that's gonna stop me? Why, detective, you've actually made things so much easier! Now that Arctic loser is out for blood, ready to maim the poor soul who dressed him up." She then reached in pocket, pulling out the photos from earlier. "Now I just have to replace the projection reel with these babies, cook up some sob story of how Numbuh 10 'forced me to do it' and the rest is cake. Gonna have to do something with 11.0, but I'll get to that later."

"Think you're forgetting one thing," I said. "Me! You just confessed to everything! Now hand over those notes, and I might convince 'em to go easy on ya."

She raised a brow, looking confused for a second before she sighed. Her head dipped in, and I couldn't help but be pleased as her hands went up. "You're right, you've caught me. Please go easy on me, detective. I promise I've seen the error of my ways."

"See? Now was that so hard?" I lowered my blaster, dusting my hands off as I prepared to cuff her. Maybe the guys were right, there _was_ something to this whole 'talking it out' business after all!

Now if ya had been paying attention, you'd remember those top eight awesome moments I mentioned earlier, right? Well see, as awesome as I am, I also have a few top eight lame moments too. What was about to happen next was like, a solid three on that list.

But don't tell nobody, or else I'll pound ya.

"I yield," she said. I grabbed her hands, jerking them down behind her back while I searched for those notes. "Such a shame though. You were cute."

"Agh! For the buhmillionth time, I'm not cute, I'm hand- _SOOAAH_!"

Her hands suddenly grabbed my wrist, taking me by surprise as she butted the back her head into mine. The one moment of dizziness was all she needed to spin me around and toss me off the edge of the treehouse like a big sack of potatoes.

Everything was a blur. It reminded me of the time I went on that roller coaster ride last summer; The Spine Twister Eleventy Thousand. Now that was a ride! Sure, I was blowing chunks afterwards, but that's all part of the fun. I must've went on that thing a hundred times. I tried to get Kuki to go, but all she wanted to do was ride the Rainbow Monkey Tea Cup-

Wait, what was I talking about before?

…oh yeah! Falling to my death. Sorry 'bout that.

My arms were flailing all over the place, hoping that by some miracle Hoagie's detective hat would make me fly. I wouldn't put it past him to put some secret helicopter thingys in the seams. But I guess he never got around to it, because I was still going down.

After a few seconds, I decided it was time to face cold hard facts before I faced the cold hard ground. If I was gonna go out, might as well go out with some dignity.

"…for the last time, we did not order a giant trampoline prop!"

Must be the voice of the angels. At least they had trampolines in heavens. Should mean they have bounce houses too, right?

"Well pal, you coulda told me that before I set it up!"

Okay, those voices were getting closer-

"AAAH-wha?" I paused screaming to take in the fact that the ground felt a lot softer than I thought it would be.

And a lot more…rubber-y?

Before I could wonder what the heck was going on, I suddenly felt like I was being shot out of the catapult again. "-AAAAAAAH!"

So now my arms were still flailing all over the place, but this time it was mostly out of confusion because this time I was soaring back up. I looked down at the ground, seeing two operatives arguing as the trampoline got smaller and smaller the higher I got.

There are sometimes in life where ya don't ask questions, and boy, was this one of those times.

Glancing up, I saw that I was almost back up to the balcony Numbuh Seven pushed me off of. My smile disappeared, however, when I realized my momentum was slowing down. I stretched my arms out, my fingertips barely latching on to the railing. I was saved!

Until I remembered it was raining, and my grip slipped.

Whelp! Falling to my death it is then.

"AAAAHH-huh?" I finally stopped screaming when I noticed I wasn't moving. I peered down, feeling a little sick at how high I was off the ground. I looked around and saw that in my moment of panic, my arms had latched onto a branch this time.

"Uh…uh, y-yeah! That's right! It's gonna take a long more than mangy gravity to do in Super Sleuth Numbuh-"

 _SNAP_

"Crudcrudcrudcrudcrud!" I spluttered as I began shimming up the branch. Yeah, this thing wasn't gonna hold me forever, so it was time to get a move on.

I landed on solid treehouse floor, and it took everything I had not to kiss the floor…okay, maybe I kissed it a few times, but that's not important. I stood up, shaking off the rain, and patted my head to adjust my hat. I looked around, and Numbuh Seven was nowhere in sight.

Shoot! Crazy dame must be long gone by now. I checked my watch and groaned; the show had started already. No time to look for my blaster, I had to stop that freak before it was too late.

Once inside the elevator, I mashed like, any button I could to get it going. When I started going down, and leaned against the wall; arms folded and foot tapping loud enough for the people in the elevator over to hear.

Now all I had to do was wait.

And wait.

Wait some more.

…still waiting.

…waiting…

…all this…

…wait…

…zzzzzzzzz.

"FOURTH FLOOR: KNN STUIDOS."

"Huh-wha?" I jerked up, most certainly not having just dozed off. Shaking it off, I pushed the doors open and ran down the hall. There was still a line of kids, but I had no time to be patient. "'Scuse me, pardon me, step aside! I'm Numbuh 4, nice to meet ya. Outta my way, important business! Move lady!"

"Hey," some usher guy calling out as I got closer, "you can't get in here without tickets-"

"Here!" I snapped, shoving the things into his mouth as I rushed past.

"Plegh! Gross…enjoy the show!"

I ran down the hall, the lights going out as the end of the way got all bright, no doubt recording the show. I could make out Numbuh 10 and Hoagie's voices. It was that far along already? Man, I hope I'm not too-

-suddenly everything went quiet before a roar of laughter nearly knocked me off my feet. My throat clogged up as I entered the studio.

"Oh _noooo_ …"

Nearly every kid and their brother was busting a gut in the entire studio. The laughter was bouncing off the walls, and it was so loud I could hardly hear myself think. I looked up to the stage, seeing Numbuh 10 and Hoagie sitting behind some desk and the guest couch respectively. Behind them, projected on the big screen, was something I never thought I'd see again.

Patton in that tutu get-up I found him in earlier. Hoagie had craned his head back to see, and he was trying his best not to laugh, but a chuckle got out every now and then despite it all. Numbuh 10, for her part, was not laughing one bit. Her eyes looked ready to fall out of her head and her jaw was getting closer to her desk with each second. That stunned look was something I'll never forget, because Numbuh 10 had never looked so darned bewildered before. Had things been different, it'd be laughing at that face alone.

I looked a bit downwards near the first row, and there she was. Numbuh Seven wasn't laughing either. No, her hands were over her mouth trying to act all mort-i-ma-fied at what was happening. Her eyes wandered over and caught sight of me. When she was sure no one was looking, she winked at me and blew me a kiss.

Why that low down, no good, double crossing-

" _SHUT UP!_ "

That bellow made the room go silent, and every single kid in the room-myself included-snapped to attention. Heck, even Hoagie and Numbuh 10 mirrored us all on stage. We all stood still, not daring to move a muscle for in fear of what would happen.

Because we all knew that voice.

And we all knew what that meant.

Someone was so about to get _it_.

The screen fizzled then went blank, saying something about a connection error. Next thing I know, a projection box is flying past my head, grazing my ear as it zipped on by. It kept going straight towards the stage, Hoagie and Numbuh 10 having to jump out of the way to avoid getting hit. It collided with the interview desk, then exploded into a million tiny little pieces.

I gulped as heavy boot-prints got louder the closer they got.

I didn't move or say nothing as Patton stomped pass me. His face reminded me of Kuki's anytime someone trashed her rainbow dorkys, only a thousand times worse. He kept marching towards the stage, dragging Numbuh 9-Film by the scruff of his shirt. The guy wasn't hurt, but mostly paralyzed with fear.

Don't blame him in the slightest.

Patton kept on going until he reached the stage, everyone just waiting for him to explode. He slowly turned his steely gaze to Numbuh Seven, and slowly raised a finger to her. " _You_."

I blinked and started smiling. Maybe he figured it out!

Patton continued pointing at her, but raised Numbuh 9-Film up as if putting him on display. "Numbuh 9-Film here tells me you're in charge of projection footage, and made some last minute changes before the show started."

I stopped smiling, now not being so sure. Numbuh Seven started stuttering, but upon seeing that twinkle in her eyes, I knew right then and there she was pulling another fast one.

"I-I…I d-did," she mumbled. "I-I p-put some new pictures in the reel."

Patton's face only got scarier, if that were possible. "That so?"

"N-Numbuh 6-60, s-sir," Numbuh 9-Film spoke up. "P-P-Permission t-to b-be put down?"

Patton didn't spare the guy a glance, but simply released him and 9-Film fell to the floor. The second he hit the deck, he started scrambling as far away from Patton as he could get.

"Mind telling me why you chose those certain pictures for the entire audience to see?"

"I-I was just following orders!"

"FROM WHO?"

"N-Numbuh 10!" Numbuh Seven cried, cowering and pointing towards her leader. "S-She gave them to me and forced me to do it! I-I can't disobey orders from my sector leader, s-sir!"

Patton's face dropped all pretense of anger, now looking like someone slapped him across the face. He then snapped up to Numbuh 10, who was having a really hard time following what was going on. "Georgette…you did this?"

That's when I suddenly remembered where I was and what I was supposed to doing and nearly tripped over myself to run to the stage. "Oh crud!"

Numbuh 10 was looking back and forth between her second-in-command and Patton, having no idea what to say for once. "I don't…I would never-"

"You did this," he kept talking, his voice picking up heat with each word. "You did this to humiliate me."

"Patton, I don't know what she's talking-"

"This is payback for earlier. You said you were gonna make me wish I was never born."

"W-What? I didn't really-"

"You knocked me out, dressed me up, and took those pictures!" he growled, stepping onto the stage and stepping closer.

"W-Wait, Numbuh 60," Numbuh Seven interrupted, apparently trying to keep up her act as she got in front of him. "Please go easy on her! I'm sure she-whoa!"

Patton pushed her out of the way, continuing to stalk up to the red-head. "I should've known from the start. I was reeking of lilac and gooseberries; you're the only one that uses that perfume!"

Beside her, Hoagie got a good whiff, then began looking at her accusingly. "Numbuh 10…"

"You can't be serious!" she snapped at Hoagie, gulping as Patton got right up on her. "P-Patton please, you have to listen to me!"

"No. I'm _done_ listening to you. I'm done putting up with all your crud. You've gone way too far this time," he spoke evenly. He stood up straight and glared. "Numbuh 10. For assaulting an officer of Global Command and blatant disregarded for the well-being of a fellow Kids Next Door operative-"

"Please! It wasn't me!"

"-by the power invested in me as the Commanding Officer of Kids Next Door Arctic Base, I hereby strip you of your command and sentence you to-"

"STOP!" I finally got onto stage, pushing Patton away. I spread my arms out, shielding my client from everyone around her. "She's innocent!"

"Innocent!" Patton growled. "Did you not just see what she did to me?"

"She didn't do a flippin' thing, it's all a set-up!"

"How would you know?"

"Because I know who really did it," I then pointed towards Numbuh Seven who was still on the ground. "It was HER! She's the one who stole Numbuh 10's notes and then tried to set-her up!"

There were gasps all around me, the loudest coming from Numbuh Ten. Little blondie looked shocked herself, but she recovered quickly.

"I-I have no idea what he's talking about, he's lying! I didn't set this up!" She then blinked, looking a bit too convincingly confused as she said her next fib. "And I _really_ don't know what this 'stealing notes' business is about. I'm still trying to figure that one out…"

"Don't try and weasel your way out of this," I said, not about to let her get the upper hand. "She's been playin' us like a rubber band banjo all night long. She stole Numbuh 10's notes, perfume, and knocked out Patton to get Numbuh 10 in all sorts of trouble!"

Hoagie stepped up, looking at the girl himself. "Is…is that all true?"

"Of course it's not!" Numbuh Seven argued. "He told me himself! Numbuh 10 hired him before the show started. You've been working for her all night, haven't you?"

Numbuh 10 blinked. "I never hired-"

"That's right!" I grinned. Wait. "I-I mean, no! Well, yeah, but not like-"

"He admits it! I bet he's the one who she got to knock out Numbuh 60."

"Wait a minute," Patton mumbled, now glaring at me. "You were there when I woke up. You really did have something to do with it!"

"Now wait one gosh-darn second!" Hoagie spoke up, coming up beside me. "Numbuh 4 may do a lot of stupid things, but he would NEVER ever in a million years to something like _that_!"

"I'm not saying he meant any harm," Numbuh Seven back-peddled, not wanting to get stories crossed more like it. "You know how easy it is to fool him and how Numbuh 10 is. She probably tricked the poor guy into doing all her dirty work for her!"

"I'M RIGHT HERE!" I yelled. "And I ain't done no one's dirty work! You've been behind it this whole time, and if there's anyone being forced to do anything, it's Numbuh 11.0! You've been pulling his strings ever since you cooked up this plan!"

"Wait," Numbuh Ten spoke. "Where is Numbuh 11.0 anyway?"

"Oh, my aching head."

We all turned to see Numbuh 11.0 wandering on stage, cradling his noggin and nearly falling off the platform. Numbuh 9-Film popped out from wherever he was hiding and caught the guy before he tumbled off and knocked himself out again.

I grinned when I saw blondie's panicked look. I got her! "Numbuh 11.0, tell 'em! Tell 'em how Numbuh 7 forced ya to work for her because of your hamster."

"My…what now?" he slurred. "I…I can't remember a thing, man. I just remember this light and it all gets so fuzzy…"

"S-See!" Numbuh Seven butted in. "She even had him rough up poor 11.0 to cover her tracks!"

"Collen!" Numbuh 10 snapped. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because what you've been forcing us to do isn't right."

"Enough of this!" I yelled, snapping out my blaster and aiming it dead center for her eyes. "Confess or I'm gonna pump ya full of so much gum that you're gonna need surgery to get it all out of yer hair!"

"Stand down now, Numbuh 4" Patton ordered. "You can't frighten a valid confession from someone!"

"Watch me!"

"Wally, he's right," Hoagie said, coming up to lower my arms. "You can't scare her into admitting to a crime she's not guilty of."

"I know she's guilty!"

"But we don't! Look, I'm not saying I don't believe you, but you gotta admit, this is pretty cut and dry. All evidence points to Numbuh 10, and the only way you can convince us otherwise is to show us your proof!"

"My what?"

"Proof!" he said, groaning into his hands. "Don't tell me you ran in here without proof?"

"Of…of course I…" I started, but found my blaster dangling at my side. "…I done goofed."

I have _no_ idea how I'm gonna prove she did it.

"C-Can we please end this?" Numbuh Seven sniffled, still faking up a pity party. "Do something before he ends up letting her get away."

"N-No! I gotta have something!" I started digging through my pockets like a madman, looking for anything to pin this on her.

Can of empty grapey gush.

Photo of Numbuh Ten and Seven.

Photo of Numbuh Ten and _Patton._

A coupon to Peppy's Pizza Parlor-

-oh wow, I still had that? Well I know where _I'm_ going when this is over.

But this was useless. I dropped everything to the floor, about to give up when the tape recorder fell onto the floor. I would've ignored it had it not started playing.

" _Now where were you at-"_

" _I'm busy, thanks to you! Or did you forget that?"_

We all stopped for a second as the recorder started playing. No one had any idea what the voices meant. Well, 'cept for me, that is. I think that was back when I interrogated that make-up guy. Yeah, that's right. But then I raised a brow as it kept playing; repeating stuff I don't even remember pulling the recorder out for.

Ah, clumsy me. I musta forgot to turn the thing off. I'm lucky the batteries didn't run out and-

THAT'S IT!

"HERE!" I yelled as I picked up the recorder, fast-forwarding it and hoping it got what I hope it got. I pushed past Patton, ignoring his protests as I picked up the fallen microphone beside him. I pressed it to the recorder. I then turned around, smugly holding it up as the recording started to play.

"… _but as I was saying, I had Numbuh 60 knocked out and dressed in a tutu and made it so all the evidence pointed towards Numbuh 10. I'd wait until halfway through the show, 'stumble' upon Patton knocked out in that state, and that private-eye wannabe friend of yours wouldn't be able to resist solving his biggest case yet. It's the perfect plan and she'll finally get what was coming to her!"_

For the second time the studio went quiet, but this time there was a light murmuring as all eyes turned to Numbuh Seven. The girl looked stupefied and I couldn't help but laugh at that face.

"So, we all hear that? I need to repeat it one more time, or…?"

"T-That's…" Numbuh Seven stuttered. "I-I…that's not my-"

"Collen," Numbuh 10 whispered, looking downright heartbroken. I looked away as she wandered over to the girl. "Why?"

"Because you had EVERYTHING!" Numbuh Seven exploded, sending Numbuh 10 reeling. " _Three years!_ Three years working this stupid job, going out into the field, nearly getting killed for a story only to be out-shone by the oh so PERFECT Numbuh 10! No one remembers the things I cover, no one cares about the awards I get! No! It always comes back little miss up-start, Numbuh 10!"

Before the red-head could say anything, the blonde just kept rambling on. It never ends with this loser. "Numbuh 10's the prettiest operative, Numbuh 10's the baby-face of sector L!" She then pointed to Patton. "You even have all the boys eating out of the palm of your hand! But wasn't enough for you. No, you had to have the flipping' Arctic Commander wrapped around your little finger!"

Patton frowned. "Hey! I ain't wrapped around anyone's-"

"Oh shut up before I post those pictures on the internet!"

"But…but why did you never say anything?" Numbuh 10 softly asked. "When we both graduated, I said you could come to me about anything. I made sure you got in my sector, I helped you get over your stage fright!"

"Oh, well then I suppose that makes it all okay," she spat back. "So I'm supposed to grateful, is that it?"

"No! If you would just-"

"I learned from the best, Georgette. I learned from you. I _know_ you. I know you'd never share the spotlight with anyone! And when you decide to feel charitable, who gets the co-host slot? Your second-in-command? No!" She then snapped her finger to Numbuh 11.0, who goofily waved back. Guy was still out of it. "You give it to that fat loser!"

"We tried working together, but we just didn't mesh on screen. The results don't lie, you said so yourself!"

"Exactly why one of us had to go," she darkly growled. "It was all so perfect. I'd set you up and wait for mister hot-shot private eye over there to bust you. Then while you're busy getting court martialed, I'd take over as sector leader and finally take my place as star of Sector L! Me!"

Her attention turned to me, and she came up to me like a kid processed. But I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. I just stood there, smirking her down while she spat in my face.

"But then you had to shove your stupid little nose into everything! You had to go around and play detective and ask too many questions! I had to keep improvising but in the end, you still ruined everything!"

I chuckled, blowing on my knuckles. "I try."

"But you wanna know what the worst thing is? It's not that my plan failed, not that Numbuh 10 is getting off the hook. No. You wanna know what the worst part is? The worst part is that at the end up the day, I'm going to have to go home and live with the fact that my master plan was foiled by Numbuh _FOUR_ of all people!" she screeched, pulling at her hair. "Plus I still think you're cute! Do you know how annoying that is?"

"Uh, okay, so I'm gonna ignore that last bit," I said. Crazy girl. "But it's over. You can look forward to being the star of Arctic block D. But there's just one last little bit of business to take care of." I extended my palm, finally ready to close this caper once and for all. "Hand over those notes."

There was silence, and I opened my eyes to see her face blank, eye twitching. Before I could ask, she smiled a sweet little smile and tilted her head.

"Sure! I've got your notes right here."

"Finally! Thought I'd never find those-"

 _BAP_

I went sailing, the no good cheat taking me by surprise and kicking me off to the side. I went tumbling away, groaning as she started screaming again. "Notes he says! What is he _on_?"

My vision was spinning as I tried to sort out all the noise. I could hear sounds of yelling, screaming, and fighting but couldn't make heads or tails of anything. Finally, things started coming into focus and that's when I got a good look at the scene before me. Patton and Hoagie had fell into a heap, the guest couch pinning them to the ground. Numbuh Seven was near backstage, holding Numbuh 10 hostage with a GUMZOOKA to her head.

Darn it.

"Now here's how it's gonna go," she growled, twisting Numbuh 10's wrists. "Me and my perfect sector leader here are gonna walk out of here, catch a SCAMPER, and disappear over the horizon. If you're lucky, I'll drop her off somewhere with her hair in one piece." She grinned as she cocked the barrel. "Well, mostly, that is."

It was now or never, but I was all out of ideas. Patton and Hoagie were down, and if I didn't do something quick, miss crazy was gonna make off with Numbuh Ten and get away. I looked around the stage, looking for anything to use. I saw the tape recorder to my left, but what good would that do.

No, I needed something else. I glanced back over to Numbuh Seven, then noticed something odd. The light around her was flickering. I glanced up, and saw one of the spotlights about to go out, the thing dangling a little too much for my liking.

Blinking, I looked over to Numbuh 11.0, my tape recorder, then nodded as I grabbed the device.

I sure hope this works.

"You want the spotlight so bad, Collen?" I asked, chucking the tape recorder as hard as I've ever thrown anything before. "Well here ya go!"

So maybe I wasn't above the occasional one-liner after all. Sue me.

Numbuh Seven flinched, almost pulling the trigger before she realized the tape recorder soared over her head. Nothing happening, and she laughed. "I'll be sure to remember your stupid jokes, detec-"

 _CLANG_

"Huh?" Both she and Numbuh 10 looked up to see the recorder hit the ceiling light. The wire popped and the whole thing came down. Using her shock to her advantage, Numbuh 10 slipped out of her hold and disarmed Collen, jumping away while shooting at her feet.

"No!" Collen screamed, the gum keeping her stuck. She looked back up, and sighed. "Oh _fluff_ me."

 _CRASH_

And just like that, it was over. Numbuh Seven was out on the floor, probably seeing stars at that point. Numbuh 10 came over to me, helping me to my feet. Suddenly, we heard all this clapping going on, and looked out to see every kid in the audience on their feet giving us a round of applause.

"This was the best episode ever!"

"That was cool when he did the thing with the spotlight!"

"Man, I'm definitely coming back for this show again."

Numbuh Ten smirked, looking down at me, and blushed as I felt her peck me on the cheek. "Nice work, super sleuth."

G-Girls! M-Mushy, right?

"Way to go, Numbuh 4!" Hoagie cried out, still trapped under the couch with Patton. "Guess it's _lights out_ for her! Ha ha ha…eh? What? Too soon?"

* * *

"Just you wait, I'll get you all for this!" Numbuh Seven screamed as two Moonbase guards hauled her into the ship. She searched the crowd until she found me, grinning wildly and before the door shut, she managed to say, "And I'll be seeing you real soon, detective!"

I snorted, watching the ship take off and carrying blondie away over the hill. If I saw that dame again, it would be far too soon for my liking.

"Oh, Skittles!" I looked over, seeing Numbuh 11.0 off to the side. The guy had been through a lot, but he looked alright to me. They'd covered him in a safety blanket, and he was far too occupied with that hamster of his. The little fur ball had this huge pink bow tied on her neck, and it just kept snuggling against the boy's face. "I'm never letting you out of my sight again!"

I rolled my eyes, walking over to a group of kids. Wish they would get a room of something. I came up on Numbuh 10 and Patton, having finally getting done filling out the report with Numbuh Sixty-Five Point Three. I barely managed to avoid talking to that guy myself.

"Look, about what happened back there," Patton mumbled, the only guy besides me that had a harder time apologizing. "I shouldn't have jumped the gun like that. I'm…sorry."

"Hey, I can't really blame you," Numbuh Ten waved off. "For a second, I almost thought I did do it. Collen was good."

"Well, she did learn from the best."

I figured that was supposed to be a compliment, but the red-head only sighed.

"Yeah," she muttered. She looked up, finally noticing me. About time. I had better things to do then stand and watch everyone's little moment. "Oh, what's up, Numbuh 4? I still haven't forgotten that promise I made you earlier, even if I never expected you to take it seriously."

"Meh," I shrugged. Remembering what I came to do, I reached into my pouch, and handed her a photo. The one of her and Numbuh Seven. "I know it ain't much, but 'ere."

She looked down, that sad look coming back. Wasn't the best gift, I admit, but it wasn't mine to hold onto. "Oh, Collen…"

"Oh yeah, got one for you too," I said to Patton, passing him a photo. "Sorry 'bout going through your stuff."

"Wait, you what-"

"Hey, is that us from the Arctic Base?" Numbuh Ten interrupted. "You actually kept that?"

"T-This ol' thing?" he awkwardly laughed. Figuring I'd done enough, I left them to it. "Uh, why not? It's a reminder of how bad your face looked after that snowball fight! Oh! I-I mean-"

"How bad my face looks? Are you saying I look stupid? Well, we'll see who's stupid once I let the entire world know how bad you suck at Frisbee! You'll be the laughing stock of the KND!"

"Oh yeah? If that's what you think, then I bet you wouldn't mind me proving how wrong you are by wiping the floor with you!"

"We'll see whose laughing once I'm done, ice for brains!"

"Bring it on!"

I tuned out their hollering as I continued down the hall, walking until their voices were nothing more than an echo in the wind. Let 'em all try and go back to how things used to be. It's the only way they can cope, I guess.

No one wanted to mention it, but I ain't afraid of the cruddy truth. It takes a tough kid to swallow that kind of pill, and I'm the toughest kid there is. Everyone was happy with thinking it was over; that Numbuh Seven had been stopped and she was gonna rot in prison.

It's like I said. Sometimes mission don't get a squeaky clean happy ending. You may kick butt, you may be awesome, but there are sometimes when the bad guy kicks back hard enough to leave you sore. Numbuh Seven knew how to kick, and I was going to be feeling pretty sore for a long while.

I never did find out what she did with those notes. Despite all my snooping and sleuthing, I could never get her to fess up about her real plan. I never found out what horrible things she had in store for those notes, and now, looks like I never will. She got the last laugh in the end.

But I'm not gonna mope about. I won't stop looking over my shoulder until I finally get the answers everyone deserves. Why? Because I'm a Kids Next Door operative. Some days ya gotta eat a lot of candy. Some days you got to fight super bad guys. Some days you got to punch things hard.

Really hard.

It's tough work, but no one ever said it would be a piece of cake. It just goes to show…

…it ain't easy doin' what I do.

"Give me that!"

"Hey!"

 **-/-/-**

Wally was taken by surprise as he found his head feeling a lot more exposed. The boy blinked, looking up to frown at his friend. "Hey, I was wearin' that!"

"Sorry there, pal," Hoagie said, plopping the hat back on with a wink. "Ya did some good work out there, but there's only one super private guy."

"Well ya know what? Fine! Keep yer stupid hat," he grumbled stomping back towards the ship. "The thing was itchy anyway."

Hoagie shook his head, his thoughts running a mile a minute.

 **-/-/-**

And there he goes; off like a dog who just got denied the leftovers at dinner. He was a good kid, wouldn't work with him if he wasn't.

I gotta admit, he impressed me. Even I was sure Numbuh 10 had gone a little too far in her quest for ratings, but Wally pulled through like he always did.

Still, he's too green. Too sloppy. This case could've gone either way. In fact, this reminds of the time back at the Yipper Con where this one guy thought he was owed a little something more. It all started-

 **-/-/-/-/-/-**

 **End Trans-**

Hey! Where are you guys going? I was just getting started!

 _Numbuh Two, what are you doing? We have work to do!_

But Numbuh _Ooonnne_ , Numbuh Four got to tell his story!

 _Ooooo, can I tell a story too? Once a upon a time-_

 _Will you two knock it off? We need to go!_

But that's not fair!

 _Oh for the love of-Numbuh Five, a little help here?_

 _On it._

 **End Transmission**

Aw man...


End file.
